My gaze follows Blaine as he walks into the kitchen and loops his arms around Alex’s waist. They murmur something to each other. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but their tone sounds all cute and affectionate, and the look on their faces only highlights how in love they are with one another.
I desperately want what they have. The connection. The closeness. The feeling of safety. Knowing someone loves you unconditionally.
I’m aware that I’m a lot for people. They don’t know how to handle me, especially when I experience these moments of burnout. It’s exhausting trying to constantly fit in and manage the seven billion emotions I feel all the damn time.
But despite being surrounded by people who love me, there’s this loneliness that’s eating away at me. I’m scared I’ll never get to experience what it’s like to be with someone and be in love.
My fear of confined spaces is one thing, but my fear of being alone is soul-consuming.
Chapter Three
Hunter
“Hey, LT.”
At the sound of knuckles knocking against the doorframe to my office, I glance up from the paperwork I’m in the process of filling out to see Lucas.
We’ve not long got back to the station after responding to a road traffic collision. It was big and messy, but thankfully, no one suffered life-changing injuries. I try to complete the paperwork as soon as we get back while everything is fresh in my mind. It doesn’t always go that way, but I’ve told myself if I can get this done now, I’m going to try and catch some shut-eye before the next call comes in.
I’m a master at catnaps.
“You’ve got someone here to see you,” Lucas announces.
“Oh? Who is it?”
Something sparks in Lucas’s expression as he says, “Elliot Olsen.”
My head snaps toward him, paperwork long forgotten.
“Elliot’s here?” I ask, pushing my chair back to stand.
My mind instantly goes into panic mode. It’s been about eight hours since we left his apartment building. Is he sick? It’s not uncommon to experience residual side effects of a panic attack that can last hours or sometimes days. It’s called a “panic attack hangover” for a reason.
I rush around my desk and walk with Lucas across the mezzanine toward the stairs leading down to the apparatus bay. The smell of food filling the air has my stomach growling as we get closer. Spencer must be finally cooking the chili he’s promised us all week.
“Does he look okay?”
“Yeah, he looks fine. He’s got a box from the bakery where Daniel works.” He lowers his voice. “You better be quick, though, because I’ve left him with O’Connor, and I wouldn’t put it past him to corner him for game tickets.”
“Shit.”
O’Connor is harmless, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he begged.
I hurry down the stairs, and when my boots hit the concrete floor, Elliot turns my way, and a relieved smile crosses his face. His green eyes are bright, and his expression no longer holds the fear that’s been stuck in my mind since we left this morning. It might not have done anything to lessen how gorgeous he is, but it’s something I don’t ever want to see on his face again.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask Elliot before shooting O’Connor a quickyou can go nowlook.
Picking up on my unspoken order, O’Connor lets out a heavy sigh, and holds his fist out to Elliot to knock. “It was good to meet you. Hope you kick Pittsburgh’s ass tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I’ll give it my all,” Elliot chuckles awkwardly, then bumps his fist against O’Connor’s.
As soon as he leaves, I ask quietly, “Are you alright?”
Elliot averts his gaze to something over my shoulder, and the tops of his cheekbones turn a light shade of pink. “Yeah, I’m fine. Apart from being embarrassed.”
I frown, tilting my head slightly. “What’s there to be embarrassed about?”
He quickly glances in the direction of where O’Connor went before returning to me. “It’s embarrassing when people find out I have a stupid fear.”
