“I want to be home more,” I confessed.
Trent pulled back just enough so he could search my face. “You mean retiring from racing?”
I nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. The kids are getting older. Travis is a senior this year. Andi is practically a teenager.”
“She’s eleven.” Trent amended.
“Almost twelve,” I refuted. “And tonight was scary as fuck. It just made me even more convinced that this is the right move.”
“We’re gonna find this woman,” he said, absolute conviction in his voice. “I will not stop until she’s punished for what she did tonight.”
“I know.” I agreed. That woman didn’t stand a chance with this family. But it wasn’t just that. “I want to spend more time with them. I want to be at all of Trav’s games and under the hood of the Mach 1 we’re buying him. I want to take Andi to ballet and pick her up from school.”
“You do that stuff now, baby.”
I shook my head. “It isn’t enough.” I made a sound, frustrated that I couldn’t quite put into words the way I felt. “I don’t want my dreams to get in the way of theirs.”
Trent pulled back, the whites of his eyes flashing in the dim room. “That’s what you think?”
“No. Yes. I?—”
Trent reached between us to grasp my chin. “You aren’t him.” His voice was gentle, but his eyes were firm. “Do you understand me, Drew?”
I never thought being a parent would give me daddy issues… but here I was.
A rough sound burst out of me, releasing pent-up pressure. “I know that.” My heart squeezed with a fissure of panic, and I grappled for T’s steadiness. “What if I turn into him, though?”
Trent’s eyes softened, his face the picture of understanding and empathy. “How could that ever happen?” he asked, trying to understand my fear instead of denying it.
I appreciated that. The way Trent considered things instead of immediately dismissing them.
“Withhim…” I began, not saying his name. I’d never call him dad again. He lost the right to that title when he forced Trent away from my hospital bed. “It was always about what he wanted. He was so busy always trying to make everything the way he thought it should be, he never looked around to see how it could be. It was his way or no way, and for so long, I wanted his approval.” My eyes bounced between Trent’s. “He never asked me what I wanted. He never spent time learning about me. It’s like…”
“Like what, baby?” T encouraged.Listening. Trent was always listening. If not with his ears, then his heart.
“He only knew the version of me he created. He never bothered to get to know the person I was.”
And that hurt. It really fucking hurt.
Trent’s thumb stroked across my cheekbone, and he leaned in, laying his lips on mine to quiet my silent heartbreak. I sighed into him, and he took the pain, kissing it away. The gentle coaxing of his tongue was unhurried and thorough in its comfort. Sometimes I didn’t even know this shit was inside me until something happened and I was suddenly staring into its face.
Our lips broke apart with a soft suctioning sound, and his caressed my forehead when I dipped my chin.
“Even after all these years, I still don’t know how to be a parent,” I confessed quietly. “But I damn sure know what kind I don’t want to be.”
“For the record, I think our kids are fucking lucky to have you. And so am I.”
I was the lucky one. “I’ve had it all,” I answered. “The career of my dreams, money, kids. You. And you know what it’s taught me?”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t need it all. Just you. And my kids.”
“Driving is part of you,” Trent said. “Motor oil in your veins, remember?”
I smiled. “I will always love driving, and I won’t stop. I’ll just shift gears a little. Besides, now that I’m forty, it’s getting harder to keep all the young drivers off my taillights. I’d rather go out on top than leave because I start sucking.”
Trent grinned. “You sound like Braeden.”
