I laugh, feeling relaxed and content, wrapped in his arms. “You know, you get pretty chatty when you’re fucking.”
He laughs. “I didn’t know.”
We lay that way for a long time, his warm arms perfect, before he says, “I just want to be close to you.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re as close as you can get,” I tease.
“You know what I mean.”
I rub against him. “I know what you mean.”
He’s struggling for words, I know, but I give him time to sort them out. “I want a different relationship than my mother had with my father.”
All these poor boys do. Their dad really did a number on them.
“I know.” Then I hesitate before asking, “What was your mother and father’s relationship like?”
He’s quiet for a long time, but his hand rubs up and down my side and hip. “My mother was in love with my father. She thought having me would be the thing that finally made him understand that she was meant to be at his side. It didn’t. She tried everything under the sun to get him to love her, and only her, but he continued on with whatever woman he wanted that week. Eventually, she took me up to the battlement. She told me love was dangerous and painful. That all it ever did was bring harm. And then…” He doesn’t seem to want to continue, but he does. “She threw herself off the battlement.”
I gasp. I knew she’d died, but no one ever said how. What a completely fucked-up thing for his mother to do. If she wanted to be done with this world, the least she could have done is spared him from watching it. No wonder he has such a hard time with love and romance.
I turn to him, and our eyes meet. “I’m so sorry.” He doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry your dad’s an ass. I’m sorry you had to lose your mother. And I’m sorry she traumatized you for her own selfish reasons.”
He just nods.
“Gareth.” His eyes meet mine. “You know none of that is normal or okay, right? There are a million happy families all around the world. Families where a man and woman meet, have children, remain together, and are happy.”
“Then why don’t we ever see those kinds of families?” he asks, and there’s an innocence to his question that breaks my heart.
“There’s a lot of sadness and pain out in the world. But that’s not the only thing that’s out there. Belonging and love are there too. We can have that.”
His blue eyes are filled with uncertainty. “Can we?”
“Of course!”
He looks away. “It’s just been so hard to get close to anyone since then. Not friends. Not even my brothers.”
“That’s understandable. What you went through was a very hard thing.”
“Was it?” he asks, and he really doesn’t seem to know.
“Yes, it’s a really hard thing, and it could fuck anyone up. You should give yourself a lot of credit for the man you’ve become, because you’ve turned out great, despite what you went through.”
“I feel,” he struggles for the word, “broken.”
I smile. “We all feel a little broken. And weareall a little broken. But broken things can be fixed, and can be even more beautiful once their pieces are put back together.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It might not be easy, but I’m here with you. Your brothers are here with you. Even Sevrin will be here with you, to help navigate a life with people who want to be close to you.”
He makes a little sound of disbelief.
I touch his face. “Gareth, we can have a new life, but we have to be open to new things. You have to be willing to open up to all of us. If you do, I think we can create a really amazing family.”
He releases a slow breath. “Maybe with you and my brothers.”
My stomach flips. “And with Sevrin.”
