He swallowed hard. He couldn’t let her look too closely into what had happened to Theo. She would never understand. And he could already see that she had questions, bubbling under thesurface. Sooner or later, she wouldn’t be able to force them down anymore. She’d ask. And he’d have to lie.
Nick knew all about loss and the scars it could leave. He bore them himself, understood them intimately.
He made his way back into the kitchen but there was no sign of Alex. Nick sat down heavily on the wooden chair, and let his head drop into his hands.
‘Damn it, Sal,’ he murmured. ‘I tried. I’m no good at this. I never was. Theo was the charmer, just like you always said. Not me. Why did you ever make me promise?’
But Sally didn’t answer. He closed his eyes, and felt something touch his shoulders, his back, like a caress, like when she had rubbed away all the stress and frustration. A soft murmur of comfort echoed through the house and he shivered.
Sally was not going to come back. Dreaming and wishing about Sally always led down a dark and desolate path from which it was hard to claw his way back and he couldn’t let that happen, not again. It was just that here in Wildewood Hall he still felt like she might just walk around a corner, like he could hear her humming to herself, or singing along with him, or follow the echo of her laughter drifting down the corridors, to find her.
God, how he wished he could find her again. Just for a moment.
This had been her place, long before it was his. Not the house, not really, but the woods. The wild wood. She’d been born in Kilfayne. She knew its ways better than anyone else. And when he’d promised himself to her, he’d promised himself to everything she loved as well.
The house had echoed with her laughter when they had both lived and worked here. The three of them – Nick, Sally and Theo. Now he only heard it in his imagination, in his memories. All he could recognise of it was the absence.
He sighed. ‘I’ll try, love. I promise I’ll try.’
He checked the phone but there were no more messages. All quiet on that front then. One blessing.
He decided to go through his emails, getting out the laptop and booting it up right there on the kitchen table. He wasn’t the kind of person to use an office anyway. Never had been. And the only office here was the study. He’d left that to Theo, and now to Alex. It was a de Wilde domain ever since the professor’s time. Probably long before that as well.
He rubbed his hand over his beard as he waited. He hadn’t meant to let it grow. But he’d had so much on lately, and no one to actually make himself presentable for. It scratched against his hand and he imagined the face Sally would have made. She hated beards.
Instead he looked like – what had Alex’s friends said on the video call? He couldn’t help but overhear.
Sasquatch.
Bigfoot.
Yes, well, he was definitely putting his giant feet in it ever since she had arrived here. And they weren’t wrong about the hair either. No wonder he kept upsetting Alex.
He sighed, trying to focus on the glowing screen of the laptop.
It’ll be okay, Nick. I promise.
That sounded like Theo, he thought, absently. He was always the optimist. And where had that landed him?
You promised, Nick.
Sally.
You promised me and you promised Theo. You said you’d look after the house and the woods. That was a solemn vow. We always knew the risks. You have to do it. You just have to. You have to protect it. And you have to protect her. It’s your duty,mo stór.
There he was, imagining things again. Wishful thinking. Whatever you wanted to call it.
Tears burned in his eyes. He blinked them back furiously and tried to ignore the throb of a nascent headache. His breath misted in front of his eyes and he winced, rubbing his suddenly freezing hands together.
The battery light on the laptop began to blink. He thought he’d charged it. He sighed, digging the cable out of the bag and plugging it in. He needed to get it looked at. The thing was holding no charge at all these days. But he didn’t have the time or the money for that either. It worked well enough most of the time. And then, bam, no battery.
He imagined Sally’s touch on his back again, that single point of cold comfort. Whenever he was stressed or worried, she’d always be there for him. And vice versa of course. Until she wasn’t.
Right on cue, the phone rang.
‘Nick?’ said his mother-in-law. ‘Sorry to ring again, love. I know you’re busy. Could you pop down for lunch?’
Nick winced, grateful that Patricia couldn’t see him. He needed all the help he could get and didn’t want to irritate the formidable woman. But he’d been so focused on Alex… ‘Of course. It’s no problem. How’s she been?’
