Then he glanced sideways at Zaire. “Pass that, son.”
Zaire was caught off guard, still he cracked a small laugh. “You sure?”
Ray lifted a brow. “Son, I got a whole grown woman in there losing her memories and a grown daughter losing her mind. You think a little smoke gon’ be what take me out?”
Zaire chuckled under his breath and handed him the blunt. “Aight. Just don’t blame me when you start seein’ unicorns, cuh.”
Ray snorted and took an easy pull, coughing hard, shaking his head as he exhaled. “Damn. This ain’t that little college shit. Y’all kids got power tools now.”
Zaire leaned back against his chair, hands in his pockets. “Gotta ease into it, old man.”
Ray took another smaller hit, then handed it back. A comfortable quiet fell between them. A quiet that didn’t demand conversation, just allowed it when it came.
After a minute, Ray spoke. “I tried my best,” he said suddenly.
Zaire looked over blowing out smoke. “What you mean?”
Ray licked his lips, staring straight ahead. “Tried my best to be a good man, a great father, a loving husband. My whole life, that’s all I really wanted to get right.” He let out a humorless little laugh. “Didn’t care ‘bout bein’ rich. Didn’t care ‘bout being famous, just wanted my wife to feel safe, my kid to feel loved and my Daddy’s land to mean something.”
Zaire didn’t say anything. He hit the blunt and listened.
Ray took a breath. “I ain’t perfect. I lost my temper more times than I care to admit. Got stubborn when I shoulda been listening. Took on work when I shoulda been home. But I never stopped trying…not once. That’s the only thing I can stand on with my chest out…I never stopped trying.”
Ray rubbed his knee absentmindedly. “Folks see this place and think I’m some old man who just love grass and dirt. They don’t know this land damn near broke me and saved me at the same time. I was your age once. Had dreams that stretched further than these trees.”
Zaire tilted his head. “What you wanted?”
Ray smiled, but it was tired. “Wanted to play golf. Really play. Not just out here hittin’ balls behind some White man ‘cause he ain’t wanna carry his own clubs. I wanted to feel my name on a leaderboard. Wanted to know what it felt like to walk a green somebody else manicured for me.”
Zaire’s brows jumped. “For real?”
“Hell yeah,” Ray said. “I was good too, real good. But back then… only work a Black boy could find around a course was toting somebody else’s equipment and keepin’ quiet. ‘Yes, sir.No, sir.’ Smile big so they don’t get scared of you.” He chuckled low. “I knew how to read a green before I knew how to balance a checkbook…didn’t matter. I wasn’t built for they dreams, just built to help ‘em chase ‘em.”
Ray tapped his chest. “Then I got drafted, went to Vietnam and came back with more ghosts than stories. Daddy got sick, left me this land. I ain’t have connections, didn’t have investors. Just had stubbornness and a field that needed purpose.”
Ray looked around the green, eyes soft because he loved his land. “So I tried…put clubs in kids’ hands, took what little I knew and gave it away…thought maybe if I couldn’t play, I could at least get another little Black boy or girl close enough to the game that they might sneak through a crack I couldn’t fit in.”
Zaire swallowed.
Ray finally turned his head. “Then Meadow came along and I thought, ‘Okay, this it. I could make sure she ain’t want for love, I could make sure she ain’t got a Daddy who disappear. Thought if I showed up every day, that’d be enough.”
His voice thinned. “Now my body’s old, my wife’s sick, my daughter’s tired and I sit here wonderin’ if my best was good enough.”
Zaire stared at him, jaw flexing. He had thoughts but would never tear another black man down while they went through their aha moment.
Ray shrugged lightly. “You love her?”
It wasn’t a gentle question. It was direct, like he needed the truth, not a pretty answer.
Zaire didn’t hesitate. “Yeah.”
Ray nodded. “I figured. She don’t let nobody hang around this long if she don’t feel it too. Girl got a crazy way of showin’ she care, get that from her mama.”
Zaire smirked. “I noticed.
Ray’s eyes sharpened. “You scared?”
Zaire exhaled slowly. “Every day...”
