And that’s exactly what I did. I sank a second finger in his hole at the same time that I swallowed his erection in another single go. And as I scissored and explored his hole with my fingers looking for his prostate, I began pumping his purple, angry cock at a speed I didn’t think was possible for me. So fast that I was getting dizzy and needed to slow down. As compensation to Jude, I added a third finger while I swirled my tongue around his slit, slurping and sucking the head.
My own cock throbbed for attention, but I was hell-bent on making the sex only about Jude. Part of me wanted to prove that I wasn’t the evil man that his mother claimed. I knew my thinking was fucked up. But that didn’t stop me ignoring my needs, as fucking difficult as it was with him writhing and his fingernails digging into my already bruised skin.
“Ethan… I-I’m near… Just one more?—”
That’s all he got out when his hole clenched around my fingers and his body arched off the bed. I immediately sucked his cock back down my throat. His orgasm overwhelmed him in shuddering jerks, and he bellowed hoarsely, the sounds coming out in stuttering breaths.
I gulped his cum as he chased his release and continued to suck him through the waves of ecstasy, wanting to drain him of every drop. When his body went limp and his cock deflated, I pressed a kiss to each ball and took one last lick of his slit when suddenly…
Jude wailed, “Oh my God, Ethan, I’m so sorry. How could I be so thoughtless?”
I swung my leg around his torso and crawled up to the headboard. “Jude, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
He shook his head. “Your back,” he cried, plump tears blurring his vision.
I knew what he meant and wasn’t going to tell him digging his nails into my lacerations made them hurt like a motherfucker. “It’s fine, really. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have straddled you.”
He swiped harshly at his eyes. “Don’t even try to say it was your fault. I got so carried away. When the orgasm started to hit, it felt like a tsunami.”
I lay down on my side, pulling him down with me, then pressed his face to my chest. “The fact that you were so carried away makes me happy, Jude. I wanted to please you.”
“I appreciate your forgiving attitude, but I still feel bad,” he said, sounding calmer. “Do you have cream that I can apply to soothe the pain?”
“Yes, that would help a lot. But for a few minutes, let’s just stay where we are, face-to-face. I can lean in like this…” I peppered his chin, his nose, his cheeks with featherlight kisses and then a more sensual kiss on his mouth.
“Ethan,” he moaned. “You have to stop before I get hard again. Next time, it’s my turn to bring you the kind of pleasure you gifted me with your… artfulskills,” he drawled, accentuating “skills.”
“I won’t say no. And in the meantime, I have something to tell you,” I said, smiling. “We never had a chance to talk since my session with Andrew.”
“Andrew?” he repeated and then it dawned on him. “That’s right. You came home to my mother’s rant.” Jude waved his hand in the air and then stroked the side of my face gently, his fingers barely feathering my skin.
The soft touches were comforting, and I turned my face, pressing kisses into his palm. We stayed like that for a long beat, my hand drawing circles with my finger over the curve of his hip.
Jude’s gaze was steady. His uneasiness showed as he sucked his bottom lip. “Was he helpful?”
I kissed Jude’s palm one last time and then repositioned myself so I was sitting against the headboard. The extra space between us gave me some breathing room in order to talk about what would always be a tender topic. He seemed to understand and sat cross-legged at my side, looking at me. “I was surprised at how much he helped.”
A sigh of relief escaped Jude. “Tell me, baby.”
“Andrew offered me a different perspective. He took me through a series of questions regarding us. Like what I see when I look in your eyes. And I told him—love. Then he had meimagine a scenario where we’re going to make love. Unlike Luca, who was bent over a battered table in some garden shed, we’re missionary style in my fantasy so we’re facing each other.” I had to pause, not aware that I’d been holding my breath until Jude touched my leg.
“Breathe, baby. You look like you’re going to burst.”
At Jude’s words, I took in a lungful of air. “Every time I relive those events… well, it’s not easy. But that wasn’t what made me emotional. It’s what came next. Still in my fantasy world with my eyes shut, Andrew directed me to look into your eyes and then said, ‘Would you ever hurt Jude?’ I got mad that he’d even ask me. My reaction was so immediate, yelling, no! I could never harm the person that is my everything.”
Jude leaned toward me and planted a kiss over my heart. “You know I feel the same about you, Ethan.”
“I do and that’s why I want to make love to you, Jude. I want to be your first.”
“Yes, baby,” he whispered. “When you’re ready. I’ve waited seventeen years since I let Finn walk out of my life. I don’t intend to make the same mistake.”
“Unfortunately,” I said, sobering, “tomorrow is going to be another emotional day and I’m already drained of energy.”
Jude was suddenly quiet. When he sat up, his movement caused distance between us. I knew the gap was more than bodily. I waited him out until finally, he said, “Would you be upset if I didn’t go with you tomorrow morning to meet Gabby?”
I felt the hairs on the back of my neck bristle. With all the talk about loving each other and envisioning a future together, I knew deep down that Gabby’s pregnancy might be what broke us apart. “Why?”
“Because… I never wanted kids,” Jude said and I heard the effort in his thick voice for him to articulate the sentiment. “Notfull time. I’m afraid that my prejudice might cause me to say the wrong thing.”
