“What else?”
I stared at him incredulously, my eyes wide. “Isn’t that enough?”
“No,” Ethan said, matter-of-factly. “If we’re going to go through your list of grievances, then I want everything on the table.”
“Since you seem to know something that I don’t, you tell me,” I snapped, my arms crossed over my chest, my back tense.
Ethan rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled in air only to blow it out long and slow. “Jude, I need to get off my feet and, on the sofa, where I can sit sidewards. Join me, please.”
I was ashamed of my behavior.Great partner I’m being. I was exploding at him because I couldn’t fucking deal with my own shit. And what was with all the F-dropping? In one day, I’d cursed more than I had in any year previously. But honestly, there was a freedom in not having to censor what came out of my mouth. I needed some kind of mental outlet after Gabby delivered the news about her and Belle, which directly affected Ethan and the baby’s future. It was the last straw. Almost the last. Ethan had been right. I had one more item to air. I don’t know how he read me considering the short time we’ve known each other.
I dropped my hands to my sides in a show of surrender. “Do you want something to drink?”
“No, Jude. I just want you.”
“I don’t know why,” I admitted.
“Because it’s been a hard night for both of us,” Ethan said in finality. “Not just for me.”
I mirrored Ethan’s position sideward on the sofa, one knee resting on the cushion. Squaring my shoulders, I met Ethan’s piercing gaze. “Intellectually, I understand why you ran and sought help with another man to ease your pain. Yet, the fact that I couldn’t be what you craved made me jealous, which was only made worse by the fact that he was the one who blanketed you and walked you off the stage, his arms around you. He was the one who attended to your wounds… who told me that I should be proud of you. As if I wasn’t already proud and didn’t need to be told by a stranger.”
“Whatever I say can’t take away the fact that you’re right. What I needed in the form of aftercare, you weren’t able to give me. But through no fault of your own, Jude. We’ve only known each other for two and a half months. And you were a priest for over half of your life. Now it’s catch-up for you. But there is a solution to this issue.”
“Dump me and find Master Liam instead,” I groused.
“First of all, Master Liam is straight. So, he might have given me aftercare, but it was purely efficient. The same as if a doctor was providing me the service.”
My interest piqued. “Really?” I asked sounding like a lovesick teenager.
“Really,” Ethan said, reaching over to rub his hand down my leg. “My compromise was that
the next time I’m craving an impact session, Master Liam will do the actual beating. When he’s done, he’ll hand me over toyou for the aftercare.” He scooted closer, letting his hand glide up my inner thigh. “What are your thoughts?”
I placed my hand over his. “Yes, I’m good with that while I’m under his training.”
Ethan gently pushed me down and rested my head on the arm of the sofa. Then he maneuvered himself so he was straddling my thighs. He unbuckled my belt and then loosened the T-shirt I had on from my jeans. “I like my shirt on you. The fit is snug.” But before I go any further exploring your perfect body, we need to talk about the most important topic on your list. I know what it is, but I want to hear from you.”
As much as I was afraid of losing Ethan, he deserved for me to be honest. I didn’t want to make the same mistake that Gabby had by not being truthful with Belle about wanting a baby. So, I gathered my courage and said, “I’ve been cloistered throughout my twenties and early thirties, the years when most males are exploring life. Not only sexually but finding themselves… discovering where they fit in the world. I never had that, Ethan. When we first began talking, I saw us being adventurous together. Having you teach me about things I’d never even knew existed.”
“Like being a in a Dominant/submissive relationship?”
“Yeah, exactly.” I clasped his hand and brought it to my mouth and after pressing an openmouthed kiss onto the soft belly of his palm, I said, “I don’t want the full responsibility of a child.” I let my hands drop and heaved a sigh, forcing myself to continue. “My fear is that’s exactly where Gabby is heading. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be hooking up so fast. She’s in flight mode, like I was the day that I ran, fleeing from her responsibility as a mother.”
“I agree with you, Jude. But also, we’re speculating.” With his hand on my nape, he pulled me to him and pressed our foreheads together. “Don’t run from me,Babbo. Give us andGabby a chance. And if and when you decide to split, promise me you won’t be a coward about it.”
I attempted to break from his hold on my neck but he wouldn’t let me. I still said my mind. “That was brash.”
“Cutting out like I did was wrong. We’re both tempted by the appeal of running to seek relief. So, promise me, Jude.”
I wasn’t sure that I could promise. Ethan had a reason to run today. The emotional beating he took from my mother was more damaging than the lashes from any flogger. “I’ll try. I promise I’ll try. But I won’t lie when I’m mistrustful of myself. That’s where we’re very different. You’re stronger than I am.”
“I don’t believe you’re weak at all,Babbo. You stood up for me against your mother. You told the priest off. You threatened to call the police on them. Regarding Gabby, we’ll have to wait until her journey of being pregnant plays out. But eventually, you have to be all in with me. I won’t live on the edges of your indecision. I want the man back who, when I came home from work last week, took care of me.” Ethan lifted my T-shirt and grazed his roughened hands over my pecs, my nipples, thumbing down the middle of my torso until he reached my jeans.
I shuddered when he dipped his fingers inside the waistband, running them over my skin. “Baby, take them off.”
“Take what off?” he teased, palming my stiffening cock through the denim fabric.
On a sharp inhale, I said breathless, “Pull them down. Too much… clothes…” I rubbed my hands over Ethan’s hair, combing through the thick dark strands.
