While he took a piss, I waited by the bed. As soon as he came out, I held up the bedcovers for him. He sat down first and then bracing himself with his hands, settled his legs on the bed before lowering his upper body onto his side.
As I was covering him, he said, “Just to my waist. My back is still burning.”
I kissed his temple and shook my head at myself for my ignorance. I’d been all set to pleasure Ethan to make him forget his concerns. He was so shattered that I doubted he was going to be awake by the time I returned. “Baby,” I said softly, “your eyes are already closed. Did you want to sleep some, and then eat? Or should I get something ready and wake you?”
“Wake me, please.”
“You got it,” I said and pressed butterfly kisses to his closed eyelids.
I crept out, closing the door behind me. In the kitchen, I found a saucepan on the stove and on the counter, a note that read,Ethan, a simple soup but overflowing with love. Mamma. I pressed the note to my chest. It wasn’t even addressed to me but her maternal instincts and affection were palpable. And the fact that she took time to cook something before she left that would be easy on his stomach was both incredibly thoughtful and not surprising.
I warmed the soup only enough to take the chill from being in the refrigerator out so he wouldn’t have to wait before he could eat without burning his tongue. As I ladled some into a bowl, I inhaled the aroma of chicken broth and noticed she’d added small bowtie pasta. I even remembered to add a teaspoon of grated Parmesan cheese, as was his custom. I set it down at thebreakfast bar with a napkin and spoon. Then I put on water to boil for tea before going to get him.
At his bedside, my heart ached when I saw that his brow was furrowed even in sleep and his eyes flitted behind closed lids. I pressed a soft kiss to each eyelid as I’d done earlier and then one on his mouth. “Baby,” I murmured and kissed his temple. “Baby, can you wake up for me?”
Ethan stirred and began to turn toward my voice, which caused his back to brush against the mattress. He winced and I promptly bolstered him by his shoulders until he maneuvered his body and was sitting up. “I was having a bad dream.”
“What about?” I asked, my voice gentle.
“I couldn’t make it out, but I know it had to do with your mother’s attack on me and feeling unloved. I do remember one moment…”
I didn’t ask because Ethan would continue when he was ready.
He gripped my hand, raised it to his cheek, and just closed his eyes. He spoke again, not opening them to look at me. “And then… I felt kisses on my face and then your voice, at first sounding far away, as if you were in a vacuum. And you were too far away to hear but gradually your voice was closer and when I heard you calling me baby, I knew that I was loved.”
“I do, baby. I will never let a day go by that you don’t feel my love in every pore of your being. I’m going to learn how to be a partner worthy of you. Because I want to be able to give you everything that you crave. I don’t want Liam or anyone else touching you… giving you aftercare. Administering to your wounds. I want you to depend only on me… yourbabbo.”
Ethan turned his gaze on me, his green eyes glistening, not with tears, but with a luminance that made them translucent, exposing his soul. “You’re perfect for me in every way, Jude. Andif you can love me as a partner… and Frank, Mamma, and Gabby can draw me into their orbit… I don’t need more.”
Pushing to my feet, I said, “Speaking of Mamma, she made soup for you before she went home.”
Ethan took my extended hand as he smiled, a genuine one that helped to dissipate my worry. “What kind?”
“Smells like chicken broth with bowties and yes, I added grated Parmesan. Although, by now, I might have to heat it again.”
“What about you?” Ethan asked.
“She made me eat before Gabby came for me,” I said on a chuckle.
We went into the kitchen and I waited for Ethan to sit and sample the soup. “How is it?”
“It’s fine,” Ethan said after he tried it. “Taste’s good.”
“I was going to make you tea but maybe orange juice instead? A scene like you had must take a lot of energy out of you.”
“Mm, it does,” Ethan responded. “But Liam gave me a container of juice. Actually, I’ll have a bottle of water, please. The kind with electrolytes.”
I uncapped the bottle and placed it in front of him. I felt fidgety and wasn’t sure why. I sat while Ethan scarfed down his soup.
“Mamma once told me to always have portioned chicken broth in the freezer. She must’ve been happy to know that I followed her advice.”
I was only half listening to Ethan so I hadn’t responded. But when I mindlessly cleared the table and took the saucepan off the stove to be washed, I startled when he said my name. “Jude.”
I spun around. “What?”
“You tell me,” he said with so much patience even though he’s the one who’d been through hell tonight.
Even so, I threw up my hands. “Take your pick. The church doesn’t want to release me even after breaking all my vows. I have a wretched fucking family who’s never done a millimeter what s-she’s done,” I sputtered, pointing to the soup bowl. Because of my vile mother, you’re struggling with your trauma. And on top of everything, Gabby and her wife don’t want to raise a baby that you’re already in love with.” My voice lowered, I looked at him through a lens both metaphorically and literally glassy-eyed. “And all I want is for everything to fucking go away.”
