“What was?” Mamma asked softly.
“The need to punish himself. With his trauma of seven years ago and then my mother putting in his head about me being a priest…” I felt Mamma attempting to console me as she rubbed her hand up and down my arm. “I don’t trust what he might do. And he doesn’t even have a phone to reach out to anyone.”
Frank’s anger at my mother was palpable when in a controlled, tight voice he said, “What your mother said was ruthless. Of all things she could’ve said to him, nothing would cut him to the core like that. It’s like she knew his past, but how?”
“I didn’t say anything,” I said, my eyes wide with fear that they’d think I’d hurt Ethan.
“No,” Mamma said, squeezing my hands. “Frank’s not saying that.”
“They must’ve hired a PI or someone with tracking skills. It would’ve been easy to gather information on Ethan just from his license plate. A little digging and they’d discover everything.”
For the second time that day, my skin blanched and I felt my stomach roiling. “When my mother was berating him, she gotinto his face and waggled two fingers before screaming that he was a rapist. Was she trying to tell him that she knew?”
“I don’t know,” Frank said. “But if she’d read that he’d been in rehab, maybe she thought triggering him would send him back to drugs.”
“But he didn’t take them,” I immediately bristled at Frank’s insinuation. “He was told that he’d been getting steroids.”
“Yes, but information on the Internet might not have mentioned that so as not to risk a lawsuit. Your mother probably assumes he’d been a user and if he went back to using, you’d drop him and might return to the church where she wants you. Plus, it would be payback for him allegedly enticing you.”
I dropped my face into my hands. “I’m so sorry. You both love him so much and I was just being selfish knowing things for me would get bad. But you have to believe me. Please know that I never thought my mother would be that vile.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to leave him.”
“Mio caro,” Mamma said and took my hand from my face. “Why would you?”
“Because I might have ruined him. You’ll think differently when we find him and you see whatmyfamily did to him because of me.”
“You’re wrong, Jude,” Mamma said. “Frank and I have never seen Ethan happier than when you came to dinner and we watched him with you. If he’s not feeling love, it’s very close. And if he harms himself, he’ll need you, Jude. Frank and I are there to love him as a son. But a partner is a whole other story.Si? Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nodded because there was no sense in arguing with her or Frank. First, we had to get Ethan back.
“Franco,” Mamma said to her husband. “What next?”
“Call Gabby. If anyone knows what Ethan might do to himself, it’s her,” Frank said.
“Isn’t she at work?” I asked.
“She is,” Frank said, “but she’d want us to notify her even if we didn’t need her help.”
While Frank dug his phone out of his pants, Mamma said to me, “Frank hasn’t eaten. You probably haven’t either. Do you have something light that I can put together?”
I loved how much Mamma looked after her family. And Ethan had been right when he’d said that she wanted to make sure that people around her were always fed. I saw that clearly. Food was her love language. “I think so,” I said and then let Mamma lead me into the kitchen with my mug of half-drank tea in hand.
“Jude, you’re probably not hungry but you should eat to keep up your strength. Even if you only take a few bites.”
“I will,” I said dutifully.
I was handing leftovers to Mamma when Frank came into the kitchen, stabilizing himself on the counter, since he didn’t have his cane. “Gabby wants to talk to you, Jude. Hey Gabby, I’m in the kitchen with Jude and Mamma.”
“Jude, I’m glad you thought to call Dad. He already related the main event but to make sure that my suspicion is correct, you tell me in detail Ethan’s reaction to your mother’s words.”
I pulled out the stool and sat down, giving me a couple of seconds to replay the scene in my mind. “At first, he was stunned. She called him a pervert a few times, condemning him for seducing me. But when she accused him of raping me… Gabby, he…” I shut my eyes and saw him all over again. “I won’t ever forget the pain and guilt in his eyes. She shattered him, Gabby. But the worst was when she waggled two fingers in front of his face when she called him a rapist and he just went somewhere else mentally. The guilt was written all over his face and I know that when he left, he took my mother’s words toheart about him being with a priest. Which is bullshit.” My head popped up to look at Frank and Mamma.Sorry, I mouthed.
Frank waved a hand at me.
“Where do you think he is, Gabby?” I asked, desperate to be out of the apartment and looking for him.
“I’ll take you, Jude,” Gabby said. “What are you wearing?”
“What?” I had to have heard wrong. “Does it matter?”
