“Is that so?” Kenzi took a few steps toward her apartment and then called out, “I’ll just get the elevator for them and wait.”
“You heard her,” Jude snapped. “I’m not bluffing, Mother.”
His mother didn’t say anything to Jude but to me she said, “You will rot in hell, rapist.”
Jude literally went to shove his mother out when his dad grabbed his wife’s arm and yanked her with him. Father Matthew suddenly couldn’t escape fast enough behind them.
A moment later, Kenzi’s voice rang out, “Coast is clear.”
Jude stepped into the hallway and waved his thanks to Kenzi.
When I knew that Jude was safe, I let myself crack into a million shameful shards that cut into all the places that I’d thought were healed. Apparently, not when one word aimed at me had the power to undo years of work.
Rapist.
Her attack was so loud in my ears that’s all I could hear.Rapist.
Somewhere to the side of my head, I thought Jude was talking to me, but I was incapable of listening to him. When he attempted to coax me onto the sofa, I stiffened and freed myself from his arms. I didn’t want to be touched. Not even from the man who almost told his mother he loved me. Was his mother, right? Was I a pervert for seducing a priest? I recalled the day in Mass during communion when Jude was at the altar and I had a hard-on. “Fuck,” I cried, shoving my palms into my eyes to stop the stinging of tears.
“Baby,” Jude said softly. And that time I heard him. But the endearment made me cringe. He was too close to me again.
I brushed him off and went to the foyer table. Then I remembered the key fob to my truck was still in my pocket.
“Ethan, don’t go out. I promise, I’ll keep my hands off.”
I saw Jude in a fuzzy blur that gradually cleared as I came into myself. I knew what I had to do and I couldn’t let anyone stop me. Not even Jude. “I need to go out for a while.”
Jude looked ready to grab me but then he backed off. “No, please, don’t go,” he begged. “I’ll stay out of your away. You’re not in a condition to drive. Please.”
“I’ll be fine, Jude. Let me have some time alone.”
I made my exit and then sprinted to the stairs in case Jude tried to follow me, taking them two and three steps at a time. I hated that I ignored Jude begging me to stay. Just like I hated myself for telling him that I wanted to be alone. But my raging emotions couldn’t be quieted with kindness and soft words. I needed to be punished and there was one place where I was sure to find a Dom who would do just that.
EIGHTEEN
JUDE
As soon asEthan closed the door, I sprang to open it and dashed into the hallway, intent on following him. But his request to be alone wasn’t unwarranted. My mother’s vile language had messed with Ethan’s brain, and that’s what scared the hell out of me. I heard the thudding of his work boots in the corridor as he made his hasty retreat, followed by the solid steel door to the stairwell slamming closed. Ethan was gone.
I was at a loss, not knowing if I’d done the right thing to let him leave in the state he was in. I warred with giving him the privacy he seemed to need and keeping him safe. Even if I knew that detaining him was in his best interests, how? Physically, he could overtake me easily.
I walked back into the living room, which was suddenly eerily quiet. I thought about my mother. She’d always been overbearing and not even a little bit nurturing. But in the last few years, her mental health had declined if her wild tirades meant anything. I’d wait a few days and then contact my fatherat work and urge him to get her help. He had to recognize that her mental condition was out of control.
As for Ethan, how much time should I allot before texting him?Texting him. The blood drained from my face as a harsh awareness took root. I looked down at my hand holding Ethan’s phone. Dizziness swept over me as fear settled in my bones. Easing myself onto the sofa, I dropped my face into my hands, still clutching his phone. What if he needed help? He was so distraught, what if he had an accident and couldn’t even call 911?
My body shook with fear for Ethan, the rising anxiety causing havoc on my ability to think straight, much less walk without feeling off kilter. I looked at Ethan’s phone to check the time. Only five thirty. That’s when I noticed the flowers and wine; he’d bought them for our first date. I stood and steadied myself before walking to the table. I picked up the bouquet, carefully fingering the rose petals, and inhaled the sweet fragrance. Carrying them to the kitchen, I began rummaging through the cabinets, looking for anything that would hold the flowers. I had to put them in water so they wouldn’t wilt and die. Finally, I came across a glass pitcher. Taking it to the sink, I grabbed scissors, clipped the ends of the stems, and arranged them. Then I placed the beautiful roses on the kitchen counter. Sitting on the stool, I set aside Ethan’s phone, not knowing the password, and picked up mine. I scrolled to Frank’s number and initiated the call.
“Hello,” came the male voice, sounding somewhat wary.
That’s when I remembered that I wouldn’t be listed in Frank’s contacts. “Frank, this is Jude… Ethan’s Jude.”
“Oh, Jude. Sorry, I didn’t recognize the number. How can I help you?”
“Ethan’s gone,” I managed to say before the floodgates broke and I burst into wracking sobs. The phone slipped from my hand.
“Jude, where are you?”
I was choking on my sobs and although I faintly heard him, my words didn’t come out.
