“And you and Ethan,” he asked, concern in his voice for Ethan, Jude assumed, considering he’d been worried that Ethan might’ve been flogging himself again.
“We’re still getting to know each other. But we’re having dinner with his boss and his wife on Sunday. So far, we’re a good fit.” I wouldn’t say more because I didn’t know how close Ethan and Hawk were. “Anyway Hawk, I just wanted you to know what was happening and why I haven’t been in. I miss coming.”
“Everyone misses you and Ethan.” Hawk’s mouth turned up in a grin. “Strange how you two never bumped into each other here at the gym and then destiny has you meeting in a confessional.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, thinking that meeting Ethan definitely was part of God’s master plan for me.
We both stood then and Hawk came around and opened his office door. I extended my hand and he batted it away, giving me a hug. “Hope to see you soon, Jude. And tell Ethan the same for him. I miss the challenge he gives me in the ring.”
“I’ll be sure to pass your message on,” I said. As I walked down the middle aisle toward the exit, I took in the assorted smells of leather and sweat with overtones of antibacterial cleaning agents. I wasn’t a strapping hunk but instead possessed the summer looks and physique of a surfer. I was strong and more than that, I had an uncanny ability to strategize my moves.Ah well, I thought and pushed the door open to a world where I felt free.
That was, until a parishioner spotted me and hailed me down. “Father Jude,” she called. “Where have you been? I’ve been so worried.”
Mrs. Clementi was one of the mothers who taught catechism to the first through third graders on Sunday mornings before Mass. She had four children, two adopted, and was a pillar of the community even at her younger age, which was probably close to my own. She’d jogged over and wasn’t even breathing heavy. Stopping short of running into me, she looked at me studiously, then said, “Father, you don’t look sick.”
“Hello Marie, I’m not. Why would you think so?”
“Because no one’s giving us any answers,” she said indignantly. “Inés claims she’s not allowed to say anything. I even phoned the bishop’s residence, but his secretary was just as closemouthed. I cornered Father Greg after mass last Sunday and he was just as tight-lipped.
I gestured for us to move from the middle of the sidewalk and around the corner from The Ring. “I appreciate your concern, Marie.” I honestly didn’t know how I should proceed. If I told her the truth, everyone at the church within her sphere of friends and co-volunteers who taught catechism would know as well. I glanced toward The Ring when my thoughts upon leaving just a minute earlier were of freedom. If I lied, then I’d be in cahoots with the authority that I was fighting against. More than anything, I didn’t want to walk in Long Beach and have tofret about running into someone from the parish. “I’ve left the Church, Marie.”
Her hand flew to her mouth but fell away when she encircled my arm with both her hands, as if attempting to keep me in her sight. “Wh-when?”
“Since last Saturday when Father Greg took over confession.”
“He said you were ill.”
“I had been. That wasn’t a lie from him.” Extricating myself, I apologized. “I’m sorry, Marie, but I can’t discuss my situation, since it’s not finalized in the eyes of the Church.”
She hugged herself, seemingly not to grab for me again. Her expression was compassionate when she said, “For what it’s worth, you were a good pastor, Father.” And then with a frown, she queried, “What do I call you now?”
I smiled. “Jude is fine.”
“I have a million nosy questions, which I won’t ask out of respect. But maybe just one?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Will you be staying in the Long Beach area? It would be nice to run into you every now and then. Since I’m assuming that you won’t be attending Mass at St. Michael the Archangel.”
“I don’t know, Marie. And I’m not deflecting or attempting to put you off. But I’m at a loss right now and need some time to think through my options.”
Marie nodded. “Understandable. You’re a good man and the clerical robes don’t change your personality or qualities when you take them off. I think whatever you decide, you’re going to be fine.”
I respected the woman so her words meant a lot to me. “Thank you, Marie. I appreciate that. And feel free to tell the other volunteers that we spoke and that I’m not coming back. I don’t think it’s fair that if you hadn’t run into me, you all would still be in the dark.”
“You see Jude, that’s what I meant. You’re always thinking about everyone else.” On a sigh, she continued, “I wouldn’t want to be your replacement because he’s going to have an uphill climb to meet the gold standard you set.”
“Thank you, Marie. I’m really glad that we had a chance to talk. Be well.” With a wink I added, “Don’t be too hard on him.”
She laughed and we went in opposite directions. I was anxious to get to the grocery store and have a nice dinner prepared for when Ethan arrived home. When the temperatures hit in the nineties, I thought Ethan might prefer something cool and light. Eventually, I decided on salad plates. I’d plated both of our dinners ahead of time. On a bed of spring greens, baby spinach, and arugula I’d drizzled homemade olive oil and balsamic vinegar dressing. Then I rimmed the plate with orange slices, pineapple chunks, and grapes. And in the center, I ladled two healthy scoops of tuna and egg salad, decorated with spears of dill pickles. For bread, I’d warmed croissants in the toaster oven.
“This is perfect,” Ethan said as he dug into the tuna salad. “The shop was blistering today even with the air conditioning on.”
“I thought as much. Glad I got it right.” I’d kept the pitcher of iced tea in the refrigerator. “Do you want more to drink?”
“I’ll get it when I need some,” he said, squeezing my hand. “Just sit and relax with me. I still feel like coming home to you is a dream.”
“I’ve been on cloud nine all day myself,” I said, “especially after seeing Hawk. He appreciated your message and said to tell you how proud he was of you staying away from the whips. And he broke into the widest grin when I told him about us.”
