My ire rose. “What does Father Matthew have to do with anything? I sent him a notice of my resignation as a sign of respect.”
“Respect is getting on your knees?—”
“Mom,” I shouted, shutting her up. Then I used all my will power to temper my voice. “Mom, I’m not going back. I’m through.”
“You are not,” she hissed.
Ignoring her remark, I continued, “The bishop was going to deny my laicization and that is unacceptable to me. I have other plans for my life.”
“Your plans were with the Church,” she said, agitated by my refusal to give in. “I’m warning you, tell me where you are.”
“Or what? Mom,” I asked, my voice rising again to meet hers against my will. “I’m thirty-four. Not the naïve nineteen-year-old who didn’t have a backbone.” Calming again, I stated flatly, “Somehow, I grew one,” as I envisioned Ethan holding my hand, kissing me… giving me strength. “I’m long gone, Mom. And I’m going to keep traveling until I find a place where I want to settle. When I do, then I’ll tell you where I am. But not before.”
“I’ll find you. I’ll have you tracked if I have to,” she warned. “You’re not going to make a fool out of me.”
Just then, I realized I’d have to buy a new phone and block my family’s numbers. And anyone else who might come after me, like Father Matthew. He’d do it out of spite, just like my mother. Her ire based on her pride—for how bad I made her look. It was and always would be about her.
I was suddenly and thoroughly fatigued. “I have to go, Mom. Tell Dad that I’m fine and I’ll be in touch again soon. I’m changing my phone number as of this morning.”
“Don’t you dare,’ she screamed.
“Bye, Mom,” I said and disconnected the call.
I immediately powered down my phone, since I couldn’t disturb Ethan at work. But in case he sent a text, I didn’t want him to worry so I dressed hurriedly and left my room. The Apple Store would be open by the time I drove to the mall.
Less than an hour later, I stopped at a coffee shop in Los Alamitos, north of Long Beach and six miles inland. I wanted to get some air and figured although I was sitting outdoors on the patio, that I’d be safe from someone seeing me. I took a sip of my latte and then sent a text to Ethan.
Me: Hi, this is Jude. I had to change my number. Explain later
I thought he’d be busy and not answer me as immediately as he did.
Ethan: I was worried. I took lunch early so I’d be able to check in with you. Thank fuck you messaged me
Me: Sorry, I’m good. Or I will be when I see you
Me: I will see you after work, right?
Ethan: Yes. Where?
Me: Please, baby, here for one more night
Ethan: Not playing fair, Babbo, calling me your baby. I’m a sucker
Ethan: I’ll be there at six thirty.
Me: Mexican for dinner?
Ethan: Fish tacos with the works. TY
Me: *heart emoji*
As I pressed Send on my last message, a shadow towered over me. “Father Jude,” Father Matthew barked.
I steeled myself before looking up, cursing my bad luck. What on earth was he doing in Los Alamitos? “What do you want? Or has my mother called you already”
He dragged a chair out and sat down. “She has.”
“And you spoke to her against instructions from Bishop Sanchez. He won’t be happy that you are consistently disobeying him.”
