Ethan rubbed his hand over his head. “What happens if they say no?”
I sucked in my bottom lip, then caught his gaze again. “I don’t know, Ethan. I can’t make any promises.”
“Father Jude,” a young, boyish voice called.
At the sound of my name, I cracked open the confessional to see a boy about ten or so carrying a package. “One second,” he said to the boy and then turned to me. “I have to go.”
Ethan exited and when I left the cubicle carrying my prayer book, Ethan said, “My apology, Father Donlan, for taking so long. But I appreciate your help.”
“You’re welcome, Mr.…” I realized I didn’t even know Ethan’s last name.
“Fuller. Ethan Fuller.” He nodded to both of them, then walked out through the heavy wooden doors, this time closing them gently.
NINE
ETHAN
“Fuck,”I muttered under my breath as I hopped into my truck. Andrew had been right when he questioned if Jude had an agenda. Clearly, he did. It was to leave the Church. Or rather, he wanted to be laicized. Whether this happened or not would be in question until he was facing decision time.
If the young boy hadn’t showed up, I would’ve told Jude that he didn’t need any time to decide whether he wanted to keep seeing me. The answer was yes. And if Jude, for whatever reason, chose to stay a priest, I’d deal with the heartache. Until then, I’d meet Jude wherever he was allowed to. Because I also had limitations. I hadn’t brought up the subject until I knew our blossoming friendship—with any luck, relationship—was even happening. Now that it was, I had to give Jude the same option that he’d given me. Once he had all the information on me, would he still want to move forward?
For now, I had another big decision to make. Gabby had sent a text asking if I’d stop by and talk to her and Belle. Apparently,Belle had returned home temporarily until they ironed out their baby issues.
Before going to their house, I stopped by Noto Patisserie so I could bring Italian breakfast pastries. Belle was vegan and since Luca began working at Noto, he’d added vegan options to their menu. Belle’s favorite were the scones with hazelnut and apricot filling, while Gabby and I loved the anisette biscotti. Since I was a regular customer, Judy, the bakery manager, always asked if I wanted to try whatever Luca’s special was and she’d throw in a couple for free.
When I arrived and Gabby opened the door, all thoughts of the pastries, and anything else, fled from my mind. Both women showed their tension in rigid posture and attempted to make eye contact. After dropping a kiss on Gabby’s cheek, I went over to Belle and gave her a hug. She wasn’t accepting of my embrace but she also didn’t push me away. “How are you?”
She tried at a half smile. “Life has been better.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, then followed the women to the kitchen where the table was set with three mugs and small dessert plates.
Gabby poured coffee into each mug, and I took a seat at my regular place at the table.
Belle was putting the pastries on a platter. “Thanks for bringing the scones.”
“For sure,” I said. “Judy added a couple of new ones, both vegan.”
Once we’d fixed our coffees and they were seated at the table, as delicious as the pastries looked, no one had any interest in eating. When Gabby asked me to come over, she’d said it was to know my decision about being a sperm donor. Besides thinking of Jude non-stop all week, I’d been equally as consumed with the idea of fathering a child. I discussed the ramifications with Andrew when we met for our regular Thursday session. I’dalso discussed the idea with Frank and Mamma after Gabby had given me permission. She’d actually been grateful that I’d gone to her parents for their opinion. After all, they knew their daughter best and treated me with the same respect and love they showed their son, Teddy.
“Would you start, Ethan?” Belle asked.
I understood the request and as such, sipped my steaming coffee slowly, using the time to gather my thoughts. When I’d put the mug down, I reached for each woman’s hand. Looking from one to the other, I said, “I want you to know that I’ve thought hard about what it would mean to father a child. I spoke to my therapist, and you both know I had a long conversation with Frank and Mamma.” I released their hands and sat back. “But now I have questions.”
Gabby and Belle exchanged quick glances, then Gabby said, “Shoot.”
“You’re hardly talking to each other. You’re living separately. Is my answer going to make that much of a difference in your relationship? Because I’ll be honest, my biggest fear is that I donate my sperm, making the child biologically and emotionally half mine, and then you split. Who raises the child? Who takes over the financial responsibility? Frank and Mamma said they’d help but Frank’s ready to retire and they’re looking to travel and spend time in Italy.”
Belle wiped at her face. “Ethan, I love Gabby. The only reason I’ve been staying away is because I get lost not only in our love but in my role as her submissive. You know what it’s like to have a total power exchange and relinquish all control of your life to a Dom. After five years, the dependency on Gabby is ingrained. Do you understand?”
I did, and she wasn’t wrong. The total power exchange is what allowed Thorne to turn me into a drug-addicted monster.He used his control over me. “Yes, I do,” I simply said. “But that doesn’t explain your feelings about wanting a baby with her.”
Belle looked sheepishly at Gabby. “I’ve also been seeing a therapist. She explained that your resistance about partnering with a stranger to have a baby is valid. A lot of people are perfectly fine with using the sperm from an anonymous donor. Just as many aren’t.”
At those words, Gabby dashed around the table and dropped to her knees, wrapping her arms around Belle’s waist, then peppering her face with kisses punctuated with words of love.
“I have more to share,” Belle said and patted the seat next to her.
Gabby kissed Belle one last time and then settled on the chair, still holding Belle’s hand. “I’m ready.”
