I stared at Ethan’s reply, then tossed the phone onto the bed, screen down. That was a week away.
SEVEN
ETHAN
Finally,the week was over, and I was in the pew waiting for my turn in the confessional. Fuck yeah, the week had finally passed, but not without breaking my promise to Hawk. I’d been able to get to Wednesday unscathed. But visions of me getting sick in the church hallway kept reminding me of what a fuckup I still was. And why did I even have a flashback? The answer to that was easy. Wednesday marked seven years. So, I’d gotten out the Wartenberg wheel and dragged the stainless-steel pins deep into both ass cheeks. I rolled it over and over in zigzag patterns until my skin was open, raw, and bleeding.
I made sure that I kept the lacerations firmly on my rear end. I just had to remember not to take a shower at the gym in case Hawk passed by at an inopportune time. I felt bad cheating on Hawk, but I just couldn’t handle the fact that my mind could’ve been manipulated to the point that it wasn’t mine. I wasn’t Gunner, the man that Thorne nicknamed me. I didn’t have it in me to violate another person as badly as I had Luca.
Thorne had been intent on ruining Luca’s now husband, Cain Goldberg, and used Luca as his pawn. I later learned from the DA that Cain had refused to tamper with IRS forms in Thorne’s name that proved him dealing in illegal trading in the stock market. If found out, Thorne risked losing his empire, in addition to a jail sentence.
The consequence of Thorne’s revenge was Cain had been taken to the ER in critical condition with a bullet in his chest. And I’d done Thorne’s bidding and raped Luca. Despite Luca’s condition, he’d made a getaway, disappearing in the middle of the night. I’d committed myself into a drug rehabilitation clinic, one the detective on my case had recommended.
I wondered if Luca still suffered PTSD. He was always smiling, the genuine kind that reached his beautiful green eyes. One time, someone had compared my darker green eyes to moss that grew in the darkness of forests and Luca’s lighter green to the Caribbean Sea just below the water’s surface, where it reached the sunlight. The person hadn’t meant to be mean. But the analogy of dark to light was a perfect comparison for what I believed was my dark heart to Luca’s sweet and pure spirit.
A woman tapped my shoulder and shook me out of my thoughts. “Your turn,” she whispered.
I smiled, stood up, and went to the confessional. I took a beat before opening the rosewood door, then slipped inside. I didn’t look at Jude. I couldn’t. “Bless me Father, I have sinned by hurting myself.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan. What happened when you went to The Ring yesterday? Or did you not go?”
“I went,” I said, my head still lowered. “The marks are only on my ass.” Very slowly, I raised my eyes to meet his. “Wednesday was seven years.”
Jude’s voice was soft, like a caress. “How do you feel today?”
“I wanted to see you… to confess,” I added quickly.
“I’m glad, Ethan.”
“I almost sent a text but if I started, I might not have stopped,” I said truthfully.
My words brought a smile to Jude’s lips. “I wouldn’t have minded.”
I detected… amusement? Or no, more of an endearing note in the priest’s tone, which made my cheeks warm. “I’ll know for next time.”
“I hope so, Ethan,” Jude admitted. “I wanted to see you, too. You make me smile.”
I snorted silently. “Sure, with all my sob-story woes.”
“No… well, yes,” Jude confirmed. “Just seeing you. And out of concern. Who else can you reach out to when you’re feeling bad?”
“Usually, my best friend, Gabby. She’s actually my boss’s daughter,” I said, grinning. “But she’s been having problems in her marriage and I didn’t want to bother her. She’s the only other person I can talk to about… what happened.”
Jude looked as if he was about to answer when he turned his head slightly after he caught movement in his peripheral vision. “Shit,” he muttered. “Ethan, someone’s waiting. Come back tomorrow morning?”
Jude’s voice sounded optimistic and as I opened the narrow door to exit the tight cubicle, I glanced back at him and wondered why his mouth was downturned as he watched me leave. The man who’d been waiting was right there at my elbow so I quickly moved aside to give him clearance. The door closed and I swore Jude turned away from him and looked at me through the wooden grille.
On my way home I was glad that he wanted to see me again at the confessional. He was such a caring man and I imagined he was popular with the parishioners. He was unlike the pastor at my childhood church who demanded quiet, respect, and aboveall, no questions regarding the Bible. I huffed out a breath and waved my hand, as if to dismiss old memories.
Instead, I remembered that I hadn’t checked on Gabby since Thursday. So, I instructed the virtual assistant to send Gabby a message, which showed up on the display screen.
Me: How are you? Is Belle there?
Gabby took five minutes to reply.
Gabby: Belle was leaving as your text came in
Me: Is she going back to her sister’s house?
