The months had spedby no matter how much I’d tried to slow them down. Gabby was due in four days. Valentine’s Day. Ironic considering that it might be the same day Jude would say goodbye to me for good. His leaving was going to shatter me. As it was, I constantly felt there was a vise around my chest making it difficult to breathe. I didn’t know how I was going to survive, lose the happiness that he’d given me. My only relief from my gripping fear was at night when he was in my arms. Whether I fucked him rough or we made love, when we were done, he’d always tether himself to me, arms and legs entangled with mine.
So yes, life with Jude had been damn near perfection. We hardly ever disagreed and always seemed to read each other’s minds. We’d decided early on, after I had smoothed over my disappointment with Gabby, that I wouldn’t bring up the baby unless Jude initiated an inquiry. Jude’s relationship with Mamma had cemented itself after his mother had rejected seeking professional help for her mental state. Since his father hadn’t forced her, Jude barely spoke to him, except for hisfather’s monthly check-ins. But there was no more talk of resolution. Neither did the older man ever ask about his son’s relationship with me.
Our sexual, kinky life was unimaginably incredible. With Liam’s mentoring, we’d tweaked our Dominant-Daddy/boy dynamic to fit what worked for us. Liam taught Jude how to use the flogger. Being a skilled boxer, Jude had a powerful punch to his strikes, which landed exactly where he aimed. He also had a grace about him that made him look sexy as fuck in his tight leathers, his smooth alabaster chest on display.
But when it came to flogging me, he was still working up mentally wrapping his brain around the fact that I craved the pain. Also, he found it difficult to switch his brain from thinking of me as his Daddy/Dom to a submissive during a scene. We found that if I topped from the bottom that helped, and he was gradually appreciating how much I benefitted mentally and emotionally from him doing the flogging rather than Master Liam.
Although, when I needed an intense impact scene, Master Liam enjoyed accommodating me with lashes from the bullwhip that lasted for a week or more. His praise for my tolerance were words that I’d hadn’t heard for years. However, when the scene was finished, he’d hand me off to Jude for aftercare and sexual release.
Jude’s attitude changed dramatically during my last scene with Master Liam. Though there were floggers crafted specifically for the genitals, their overall design was to deliver a range of non-threatening sensations with wider falls made of softer materials. Instead, Liam and I had agreed to him using a flogger with narrower falls, decorated at the ends with steel-tipped studs. He’d been delighted to oblige me, not often having a submissive who offered himself for what he called torture.
Master Liam had started off easy, working his way up the ladder of whips that he’d laid out, allowing my body to adjust. But as he’d assaulted my cock and balls and the studs smacked into the sensitive areas with a blinding bite, I’d fallen over the edge of all reason and entered into a realm of pure bliss; so far into subspace that I couldn’t hold back my orgasm and spilled like a flood over the floor. Thank fuck Jude had been there and saw that Master Liam hadn’t touched me.
It wasn’t until I was in the aftercare room that I’d come to my senses again. When I’d realized what I’d done, I was mortified, since Master Liam hadn’t given me permission to come. More so that I lost control in front of Jude. But instead of being upset or uncomfortable with the incident, watching me had made him so horny that during aftercare he had his own release. Since then, he’d been urging me for us to have a scene at Hard Limit and he’d contacted Liam to see if he’d be free, explaining that he was ready to give me more.
Thus, that was how we came to be at Hard Limit on Saturday evening. We were in the locker room dedicated to submissives, since I wanted to be with Jude and make sure that he was in the right mindset.
Jude was standing in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom. I came up behind him and snaked my arms around his waist. Like Jude, I was bare chested and wearing leather pants. Resting my chin on his shoulder, I gazed at us, appraising us as an objective observer. I was so in love with this beautiful man. Just then, I was taken by the vision we made, more than I ever had been. “We’re stunning together,tesoro. Look at us—angels of dark and light.”
“Mm, we are. Your tattoos accentuate the color of your eyes. I love gazing into them, like I’m seeing your soul that belongs to the sea. That’s one of the reasons I want to go to Italy with you.”
I kissed in the dip between his neck and his shoulders. “Would you ever consider getting a tattoo?”
He reached his arm behind me and cupped his hand over the tattoo of the crab claw on my neck. “Maybe in the future… if the artist was able to create a design that linked to yours and bonded us.”
“I’d like that very much,tesoro,” I said as I turned him around to face me. “Are you ready to bond me to you now with a flogger?
“Yes, Daddy,” he said.
“Tesoro, please, I want you to leave marks that will last. I need to have this night last.”
“I promise I’ll try my best, Daddy.”
“That’s all I can ask for.”Except please don’t leave me. The pain of a beating was nothing compared to the torture of not being allowed to have it all—a partner and a child. How the fuck did God or whoever was in charge expect me to choose between a baby created out of my seed and the man who’d become my universe?
Jude knew why I asked him to leave marks. He was so sure that he didn’t want children. That he couldn’t love them enough to prioritize their well-being and happiness over his when for so many years he had to consistently put his desires and needs second. And I got that, I really did. But fuck, I hated that I was being punished for a personal history that had kicked him in the balls. And yet, the awareness of his fears was the only thing that kept me sane— an understanding that I held close to my heart, which I doubted would be helpful when he was actually out the door.
“Daddy?” Jude touched my face softly. “You’re a million miles away.”
I shook my dreary thoughts away. “I’m good, Sir,” I said, using the honorific that signaled the start of the scene.
Jude took my hand and we made our way to the mezzanine where Master Liam was preparing the table for Jude.
“Has the scene begun?”
“Yes, Master Liam,” Jude said. “Only a minute ago when we were ready to come up.”
“Then as soon as you’re on the stage, you must give your submissive an instruction. Either to prostrate or kneel… whatever. You’ll leave him guessing, otherwise. You need to keep his role in mind. Whether you’re doing a scene with a switch or a deeply natural submissive, in the state of submission they rely on being told what to do… on serving their Dom. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Master Liam. Thank you for the clarification.”
Jude faced me and said, “Strip and take a casual kneeling position.”
“Yes, Sir.”Strip? In all these months, he’d never asked me to strip. So, he was going all out tonight and I was fucking on board. I was going to be leaking pre-cum before he got five lashes in.
I had no issue being naked. I’d become desensitized to nudity almost since I engaged in the world of BDSM, and then with Thorne, he’d have me bare because he claimed to enjoy looking at my body. As soon as I had my leathers off and folded neatly on a nearby chair, I got into position sitting back on my heels, my hands on my lap and my head bowed.
Then Liam was speaking again. “Jude, next time I’d ask that you wait to start the scene until you’ve prepared the table with the implements you will be using. You can always shift directions during the scene, but you have to have a plan ahead of time in order to get the submissive’s consent. In your situation, it’s different because you and Ethan live together and have talked about hard and soft limits with me many times.”
