“What a twat, Ethan,” she said and punched my arm playfully. “You need to go to the rectory and make an appointment to see him.”
“Uh-uh,” I said, shaking my head vehemently. “No fucking way.”
Gabby challenged, “Why not?”
“Because he’s a priest,” I said, stating what I thought was obvious.
Gabby waved her hand in the air as if dismissing her suggestion. “Well, at very least, go back to confession again. When are they?”
I didn’t even have a chance to respond before Gabby had her phone in hand again. “Thursdays in the evening from six to seven thirty and then on Saturday mornings, which you know already. Next Thursday, and don’t forget to call and tell me what happens.”
I let out a suffering sigh.
“Dramatic, baby. Just go. There’s a reason he pulled off his hood. Maybe he wants some action on the side. I’m sure he’s not the only priest who isn’t a hundred percent celibate.” Then Gabby moved closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder. In a gentle voice, she said, her voice low to avoid anyone else hearing, “It’s time, honey. You’ve punished yourself long enough. And I’m not just referring to the flogging.” Tugging on my sleeve, she continued, “You deserve to be happy, even for a little while.”
I didn’t believe I merited anything yet. But maybe she was right about one thing. I should go to confession. But not just to lay eyes on Father Jude. Maybe it was time to confess for real. Even though I’d given up on religion, my therapist told me that the act of confessing to another person, especially a spiritual authority, might relieve me of some guilt.
Frank knew about my history in Napa because when I applied for the job working for Artemis Drakos, I’d been fully transparent. I could’ve refrained from telling them, since my police record had been expunged. However, I’d started a new life in Southern California, and I hadn’t wanted to hold any secrets.
Frank valued my honesty, and after the in-person interview when Artemis offered me the job, Frank had pulled me into a hug and invited me home to dinner. Between Mama Cattaneo fussing over me and Gabby and Teddy making me feel like a long-lost sibling, I went back to my apartment and cried from sheer emotion. No one had wanted me for a long time.
Gabby was the only family member other than Frank who knew about my involvement with the police. Gabby, however, knew everything else as well. Being a Dominatrix and in the lifestyle, I’d felt comfortable sharing my submissive tendencies along with the story of Napa. Her wife, Belle, was a drug counselor and had firsthand knowledge what Thorne, my previous Dom, had filled my veins with for weeks. She’d confirmed that along with other mind-altering side effects, my brain had been programed to obey Thorne unconditionally. The Dom’s addictive voice became hypnotic in itself. As a result, had Thorne ordered me to jump off a building to my death, I would’ve followed his command without question.
Intellectually, I understood Belle’s explanation. Even so, I still found forgiving myself difficult. “Do you have time for a walk on the pier?”
“Sure,” Gabby said. Pushing to her feet, she held her hands out for me. “I’ll buy you an ice cream.”
“Deal,” I said and we left the park, walking hand in hand. “When does Belle get home?”
Belle had been away at a week-long conference learning the newest strategies in drug rehabilitation. “Tonight. I’m picking her up at Long Beach Airport. She’s excited because on Monday morning, we have an appointment at the clinic to meet another sperm donor.”
I kissed her temple. “Fingers crossed you and Belle approve of him.”
“It’s having a connection, you know. This is the fourth guy and honestly, the woman at the clinic is getting frustrated with us… with me. But the sperm donor is half of our baby. You know we’d still want you to be the one.” In a playful tone, she added, “Just think about it, Uncle Ethan.”
I didn’t hate the idea of being Gabby and Belle’s sperm donor. I always thought I’d like to have kids someday. Theproblem was how did a person raise a child when the parents lived an alternative lifestyle? “Gabby, I just had a thought. How are you and Belle going to maintain your relationship as Dominatrix and submissive while raising a child?”
Gabby took a long moment, then exhaled through her nose. “We haven’t come to terms with that yet, which is also partly why we’re not settling for just any donor.”
“Does that mean he has to be in the lifestyle?” I asked. “Or at least be accepting of it?”
“Yes, unless he wants no part of the baby once his sperm takes. Then our private lives have no impact. As for the child, we’ll explain when they’re old enough to understand.” On a sigh, she said, “I’ll miss having Belle kneel at my feet or walking around naked. Our dynamic is all encompassing, every breathing hour of every day. I’m her Mistress. So yeah, it’s going to be a sacrifice.”
I put my arm around her waist as we reached the end of the pier and stood at the railing looking out over the Pacific Ocean. “I get the feeling that Belle wants the baby.”
She put her head on my shoulder where I felt her head bob up and down.
I wasn’t about to give her any advice. I had no clue what it must feel like facing the situation of one partner wanting a child when the other didn’t. So, I settled on, “I’m here for you in whatever way you need me.”
She raised her face and peeked up at me. “I just know you’d be the baby’s favorite uncle.”
“More than your brother?”
“For sure,” Gabby said with conviction. “You know Teddy is full of himself. A lot like me. That’s why it’s hard to make room for someone else who will upend my life… our lives. Me and Belle’s.”
I squeezed my hold on her. “Maybe you’ll surprise yourself.”
Gabby broke free and spun around to face me. “Change of subject to ice cream. Come on,” she said, tugging on my shirt. “Let’s gorge.”
