“Yeah, but I got loaded fries, and they are so much more yummy,” he said with a wink that made me smile a little.
Our table was already half-full, and Megan sat with her Regent, Lucas, their heads bent close in conversation. Silvia and Matthew were there too, along with Max, who sat closer to Luce than strictly necessary. A collection of our housemen rounded out the group, creating a buffer between us and the rest of the dining hall. As I settled between Ryder and Cole, I scanned the room automatically, a habit I couldn't seem to break. My eyes landed on Hannah, sitting alone at a small table near the window, picking at her food without eating. The sight of her isolation tugged at something in me.
"What happened with Hannah?" I asked, keeping my voice low. Matthew followed my gaze, his expression hardening slightly.
"After what happened at Christmas, she was expelled as the Archive Consort. They didn't formally kick her out of the university, too much paperwork, too many questions, but she's basically a pariah now." I frowned, remembering what I'd beentold about Hannah's role in my abduction. She had planted the threatening notes, sent the fake texts from my phone after I disappeared, all under duress and blackmail from David Marshall, the Archive Regent who had attacked me at Halloween and helped orchestrate my kidnapping. The same David who was now dead, killed by Ryder during his interrogation.
"That seems harsh," I said, surprising myself with the sentiment. "She was being blackmailed and manipulated." Ryder's hand tightened on his fork.
"She still helped him, Cade. She knew what he was planning, at least some of it."
"I know, but..." I trailed off, unable to articulate why I felt a strange kinship with the disgraced Consort. Perhaps it was seeing another girl used as a pawn in the Regents' games, another victim of the Trivium's twisted power structure. Or maybe it was simply that I understood what it meant to be manipulated by fear. Megan, who had been listening silently, offered me a small smile.
"For what it's worth, I agree with you. Hannah made mistakes, but David was the real monster."
The conversation shifted to lighter topics, upcoming assignments, campus gossip, and plans for the half-term break. I let the normalcy of it wash over me, a balm for my frayed nerves. I even managed a few bites of the sandwich Rosa had packed, accompanied by fries loaded with chili and cheese, though my appetite remained elusive.
"I need the bathroom," I said eventually, the pressure in my bladder becoming uncomfortable.
"I'll come with you," Luce offered immediately, already rising from her seat. Ryder and Cole exchanged a look I pretended not to notice. I knew they had positioned housemen throughoutcampus, keeping watch over me from a distance. Their protectiveness was both comforting and stifling.
"We'll be right back," I promised, managing a small smile for their benefit.
The nearest bathroom was just down the hall from the dining area, a short walk that still left me feeling exposed. Luce chatted about nothing in particular as we walked, her casual tone belying the vigilance in her eyes. My steps faltered when we reached the bathroom door. Through the partially open entrance, I could hear laughter, female voices that seemed to cut off abruptly as we approached. Luce's hand found mine, squeezing gently.
"We can find another bathroom," she suggested quietly. I shook my head.
"No. I'm not going to let anyone chase me out of a public restroom." Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open. Julia stood by the sinks with three girls I didn't recognise, their makeup bags spread across the counter. They all turned to look as we entered, Julia's face twisting into a smirk that made my stomach clench.
"Well, well," she drawled, leaning against the counter with exaggerated casualness. "Look who's finally rejoined the land of the living."
"Ignore her," Luce muttered, tugging me toward the stalls. I kept my head high, refusing to give Julia the satisfaction of seeing me retreat. But as I passed, she called out,
"Hey, Turner, do you sign autographs? I've got a pen if you need one." I froze, confusion momentarily overriding my caution.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Luce's grip on my arm tightened.
"Cade, don't. Let's just go." But Julia was already reaching for her phone, her smile turning cruel.
"I just didn't have you pegged for adult entertainment, that's all. But judging from the view counts, there are plenty of people who appreciate your... performance." My blood ran cold.
"What performance?"
"Cade," Luce's voice was urgent now, tugging more insistently. "We need to leave. Now." Julia's fingers danced across her phone screen.
"I mean, shabby slutty victim chic isn't really my cup of tea, but clearly there's an audience for it."
Before Luce could pull me away, Julia turned her phone around, and my world collapsed. There I was on the screen, dirty and naked, my face contorted in pain as a man raped me from behind. The sound was off, but I didn't need to hear it. I remembered every word, every slap, every moment of degradation: every scream and every word as I begged them to stop. My lungs seized, refusing to draw breath as I stared at my own violation playing out on a tiny screen in a university bathroom.
"No," I whispered, the word barely audible even to my own ears. "No, no, no..." Julia's laughter seemed to come from very far away.
"Look at her face! Oh my god, she didn't even know. How pathetic is that?"
The bathroom tilted around me, the fluorescent lights suddenly too bright, too harsh. I couldn't look away from the screen, from the horror of my most private suffering exposed for the world to see. My legs gave way, and I sank to my knees on the cold tile floor.
"You worthless damaged whore," Julia's voice cut through the roaring in my ears. "Everyone's seen it now. Everyone knows what you really are, just a piece of meat that got what it deserved."
Time fractured. I was in the bathroom and I was back in that cell, cold and terrified, Damien's hands on my skin, his voice in my ear telling me no one would ever want me again, that I was ruined, broken, worthless as he continued to damage me further, as he passed me onto some other monster. Tears streamed down my face, but I made no sound; my throat closed with horror.
