“What was I supposed to say to him? ‘No, babe, I’m not okay. Every night, I close my eyes and think about that fucking video of my best friend getting shot and kicked in the head. It replays in my mind over and over, and if I do manage to fall asleep because I’m so fucking tired, I get woken up by nightmares of the doctor telling me he didn’t make it.’ I told Fitz I was taking naps at the hospital.”
Joker glared at him. “You promised him you were done with that shit.”
“I know,” Jack snapped. “Do you have any idea what it was like to watch every second of what happened to you? It broke me. So excuse me for fucking falling apart and not going on with my life like it’s all sunshine and fucking rainbows!”
Joker moved away from the rail and grabbed his best friend, pulling him into a hug. At first, Jack tried to back away. “I’m sorry,” Joker whispered.
Jack stilled, and a heartbeat later, he wrapped his arms around Joker and did what he’d probably been holding back for days.
He cried.
Joker closed his eyes and clung to his best friend, the one person who had been there for him from the beginning. If it hadn’t been for Jack asking his mother if Joker could stay over, which led to him almost always being at Jack’s house, who knew where Joker would have ended up. He went from havingno one to having Jack and a whole army of brothers and their annoyingly loving partners. He had the kind of life he never let himself wish for as a kid because if his own parents hadn’t wanted him, who else would?
“I owe you so much,” Joker said quietly.
Jack sniffed and pulled away. He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. “You don’t owe me anything. We’re family.” He let out a shuddered breath. “Don’t let Gio watch that footage. Ever.”
Joker nodded, though he knew Gio never would. All Gio needed was to know that Joker would be okay and by his side. Why watch something that would only bring him heartache? Jack was more analytical, and sometimes that meant his brain needed to see something to process it. Unfortunately, thatsomethinghad caused him to spiral to the point of sleep deprivation and exhaustion.
“You know he’s gonna be really upset,” Joker said, leaning against the railing next to Jack.
Jack sighed. “I know. But I also knew that if I said anything, he’d start to worry and fuss, and I’ve been so tired that I was afraid I’d say something I didn’t mean and hurt him. I love him so much.”
“I know,” Joker murmured. They stood side by side, not speaking, just listening to the ocean. It was peaceful.
“Remember when you said you wereneverfalling in love because love was for suckers?” Jack’s smile was wicked. “To quote Ace, ‘Oh, how the mighty have fallen.’ In love.”
Joker grunted. “You done?”
“Nope.” Jack turned, his smile wide. “Holy shit, man. You’re getting married!”
Joker felt his face heat up. He opened his mouth to respond when Jack cut him off.
“I swear, if you say it’s not a big deal, I will murder you.”
“Wait, first you’re crying about losing me, and now you’re threatening to kill me?”
Jack glared at Joker.
“Too soon?” Joker smiled widely.
“Yes, way too fucking soon. Especially since I now have to find a way to tell my boyfriend what an asshole I’ve been.” Jack went quiet. “Why tonight?”
Joker was confused. “Why should you tell your boyfriend tonight?”
“No, ass. Why did you propose tonight? How did you know tonight was the right time?”
“Oh. When I woke up in the hospital, I was so out of it. It felt like that day after the ambush, but without the part where I lost my shit. In that moment, all I could feel was this soul-crushing pain. The weight of it all was suffocating. I felt lost, scared, fucking pissed, and so alone.”
“But you weren’t alone. You had us,” Jack said quietly.
“But I didn’t know that at the time, did I? Not until you all rushed in to stop me from hurting someone. Before that, I thought I’d lost everything. Then came the heartache of knowing I’d lost Echo.” Joker sniffed and cleared his throat. “When I heard that video of me and Chip, of Gio, even before my brain had put the pieces together, the relief I felt inside was instant, like this heavy darkness was gone. I was safe and loved.
“And yeah, remembering Echo wasn’t here hurt all over again, but going from the fear of having lost it all to the realization that, wait,I had it all. I not only had my family, but also something I never thought I’d have—someone who loves me, all of me, just the way I am, enough to build a life with me. Then we got home, to our home. Chip and Cookie were waiting for us, and Gio was there to take care of me with that big heart of his, filled with patience and love for me…I kept trying to figure out what had changed, and then I knew. And by theway, between Gio and you, I’m officially maxed out on the whole sharing my feelings thing, so you know, it’s all grumpiness from here on out for the rest of our lives.”
Jack barked out a laugh. “You’re such an ass, and I love you.”
“I love you too. Okay, now I’m really done. We should head back before King puts together a search party. Also, I need to sit down. This recovery is shit. I hate feeling so fucking tired all the time.” They headed for the house.
