“Don’t you dare, Lazarus! You stay here and document my demise! I want my husband to see that my undoing was all his fault.”
“So loving.”
“Ace, get your ass down here,” King growled. He looked around, and Ace let his head fall against the tree bark. He was done for. “Where’s Leo?”
“Here’s the thing,” Ace said as he missed a tree branch. He cursed loudly before he caught himself on another branch.
“Damn it, Ace, get out of there.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. And your fiancé ran off to see Santa. What is up with that?”
King cursed under his breath and shook his head. “I have no idea. He’s being very secretive. It’s not like him.”
“Where’s Laz?”
King squinted and pointed off in the distance. “Almost to town.”
“How are they so fast?” Ace stepped down onto another branch. “Shit.”
“What?”
“I think I’m stuck.”
“On what?”
“I don’t know. I think my coat is stuck on something.”Oh my God, could this day get any worse?Why did you say that?What’s wrong with you? Something squeaked, and he froze. “Um….” He glanced up and cursed under his breath. “King,” he whispered.
“What is it?”
“There’s a squirrel. It’s one of those red pointy-eared ones. He looks like he’s on steroids. There’s intent in his eyes, King. I think he’s about to body-slam me.”
“Ace,” King growled. “Get out of the damn tree.”
“I can’t! I’m stuck. What do I do?” Ace glanced over at the squirrel, who was up on its hind legs, tail twitching. “He’s staring into my soul. I think he might be their leader. He’s plotting how to end me.”
“It’s a squirrel.”
“The hell it is. He’s about to go all Bane on me.”
“Who?”
“Are you serious?” Ace cursed again. “Bane. The Batman villain on steroids? Kris Kringle on a cookie, watch a movie!” He slowly reached back to try and feel what his coat was caught on when he heard a bark. Oh no.Fuuuuuuck. “Please tell me that’s not—”
“Chip and Joker? Okay, I won’t tell you.”
“I have to get out of this tree!”Fuck the coat!Abort! Abort!He reached to unzip his coat when seventy-five pounds of psycho Belgian Malinois slammed into the trunk, shaking the entire damned tree. “Chip, no!”
Chip barked his face off at the squirrel, who naturally lost its shit and jumped onto Ace’s head. He screamed and tried to brush it off, but the little bastard was fast and jumpy.
“Get it off!” Suddenly, there were two squirrels. Ace yelped again. “He’s using his dark magic to multiply!”
“This isamazing,” Joker managed to say through uncontrollable laughter. Because that’s what brothers did when you were being assaulted by fluffy-tailed vermin. They laughed. And didnothingto help.
“King! Chop down the tree!”
“I am not chopping down the tree.”
“Then glare the squirrels into submission!” Ace swatted at one, but of course, missed. Why was everyone so much faster than him? Was he not getting enough fiber? He wasnotabout to start eating Bran Flakes. AARP could cool their jets and stop trying to hurry him into retirement.
