Ash shrugged. “I wasn’t in a position to find work that pleased me. I needed work that fed me. My husband and I lived a bit beyond our means. We had an expensive apartment and—”
“You have a mate?” Zade interrupted her in a sharp voice.
She blinked at his sudden intensity. “Well, I…no. I mean, I did.” She closed her eyes. “He died four years ago.”
“The male you mentioned a while back. Shaun.” The vibrant blue of his eyes swirled in shades of indigo, lapis, cerulean. “I did not know that was your mate. Such a loss must have caused you great pain.”
“It did.” She closed her eyes. “We were married for four years, so he’s been gone for almost as long as we were married,” she replied. “We were friends for a while before that, but you heal, you know?”
Zade continued to gaze at her. “I have never lost a mate. I cannot imagine the devastation.”
She took a deep breath. “From what I know about Baylans—and it’s not a ton—when you guys bond with someone, it’s different from humans.” When he just raised his brows, she waved a hand and barreled on. “You touch someone and it’s like this chemical reaction, right? And you get new marks on yourchest and you bond for life. Humans…aren’t like that. Some of us have life partners, but most fall in and out of love a bunch before we settle down. And even then, couples split up. As far as death, we’re wired to heal from loss, I guess.”
“Haveyouhealed?” he asked. “Do you still miss him?”
“Shaun?” Ash furrowed her brow, searching for an honest answer. “A part of me will always miss him, but I stopped crying for him a long time ago. I’ve built a life on my own, without him. I moved into a studio apartment back in my home neighborhood, downsized my life and have been paying off our debt, a little at a time.” There had been a lot of debt. Shaun could spend, often spending what they didn’t have.
Zade was perfectly still. “Do you think you will ever…bind yourself to another?”
The question was so personal, and so strangely worded, Ash blinked. A part of her wanted to answer it as badly as he seemed to need to ask it. “I don’t know,” she replied softly. “It would depend on the guy.”
Their meal finished, he rose to his feet and reached for her hand. “Let us walk.”
Ash placed her palm in his wide, capable hand and rose. Again, delicious tingles sprayed up her arm from their point of contact. She felt wobbly and not just from her leg. They strolled away from the café and into a thick forest, where paths wound through strange-looking trees. The air smelled of delicate flowers and warm moss.
He stopped in a secluded spot. Surrounded by the thick trunks, the glimmering bark set off the light like the facets of a delicate disco ball. Zade turned her to him. He looked so serious, Ash’s nerves pricked up. “Is something wrong?”
“There is something I must tell you.” His eyes narrowed to aquamarine slits. “It may be difficult to hear.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. In fact, all her panic buttons went off simultaneously. Similar words, uttered four years ago after the accident that changed her life, rattled through her head. Had there been a death in her family? Had something terrible happened on Earth? She was so isolated. Anything could be happening and enoughhad alreadyhappened. Death seemed to be stalking her these days, but here, in that beautiful place with this beautiful male, she didn’t want it to find her. “I don’t think I want to hear it.” Her breath turned shallow.
He closed his hands around her shoulders. This close, she could feel the heat of his broad, muscled body and smell the warm, fresh scent of him. “I must tell you,” he said, his voice a growl.
God, it had to be bad. Her head swam and a familiar twist sank her belly. On impulse, on instinct, and in an effort to delay whatever dreadful news he seemed determined to deliver, Ash rose up to her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.
CHAPTER NINE
Zade
Zade jerked at the feel of her mouth on his, then held himself perfectly still. His body warred with his mind, which warred with his instincts. He wanted her with a desperation that he had never known before, but the collar on his neck kept his body from reacting.
Nothing in his life had ever felt so unnatural.
All Zade wanted to do was rip theenibandoff and mate with her like the primal thing he essentially was. His needs were not civilized. He would take her like an animal, then drag her back to his quarters and take her again. In the early stages of the bond, that was expected, along with a period of general ineffectiveness. He had explained these things to many Baylans. Explaining them to himself, however, was infinitely harder.
A shudder racked through him as he returned her kiss. He bent over her, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her against his body—a body that was not permitted to harden for her.
His head swam as he took in her scent, her warmth, the moan that slid from her lips. She was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted, the most precious thing he had ever held. Even with theeniband, need pulsed through his veins. A distantvoice in his mind called out that he had to tell her that they were biological mates, but it was drowned out by a moan of his own and the scrape of her teeth over his bottom lip.
Her tongue touched his, tentatively at first, then boldly, and Zade was helpless to it. He sank into the hot cave of her mouth, imagining his cock being sucked and lapped and milked until he came. He wanted to feel her tongue on him, sliding up and down his length. His hands moved down to cup her ass.Stars, what firm, succulent handfuls. He lifted her, spreading her thighs and pussy and hitching her hips around his. Her arousal was a spicy scent to his nostrils. His balls tightened despite theeniband’sefforts.
Hitching her up higher with one arm, he slid his other hand back, between the cleft in her ass, to the pussy that felt full and swollen and hot to his touch. Ash pulled her mouth from his to throw her head back on a gasp. She rocked against him, pressing her mound into his fingers.
Her wetness soaked through the thin fabric of her jumpsuit. The garments were designed to be easily taken off and on, and Zade easily found the seam at the back. With a flick of his fingers, the fabric parted and his fingers touched the silk of her flesh. He felt her shiver. A sharp breath hissed from her lips as his hand explored her back, her bottom, before finding its way back to her soft, wet folds.
Stars, she was perfect. Her pussy was swollen and hot and quivered when he slipped a finger through her slit and pushed inside. He was immediately enveloped by a heat so tight, he fought the urge to growl. Theenibandwas fast becoming a thing of loathing, but he feared he would lose control without it. Also, despite the privacy of thewekitrees they were in, it was not the place for a full-on mating. When mates came together for the first time, they needed space of their own so their bellows and cries were not overheard by others and mistaken for pain. It hadhappened more than once. Despite the technological advantage Baylans had over many species, they still had the instincts and drives of their primitive ancestors.
They would not be fornicating at the present, but Zade could not leave her in this state. Nor did he want to. He removed his fingers from her and she let out a mewling sound.
