I stared. None of this was real.
Rainbows from his crystal staff scattered across the ceiling, the only beautiful thing in the room. I clung to them until they vanished, and the voices returned. Time bled away in loops. I counted seventy-two whispers before Cayden’s voice told me I was a burden. I lost track after a hundred and fifteen.
When the old man came back, he brought something minty and rich… and a necklace I recognized. The sleeping cat pendant Xan had given me. My promise of escape.
He swung it, and I followed it like a kitten. The pendant heated, arching toward the wall until a wad of molten metal splatted against the wall. A sharp ache bloomed in my chest.
“Cheap. Broken. Just like you.”
I rocked, whispering, “You don’t exist,” over and over, until a giggle slipped out, followed by the theme song from my favorite childhood cartoon.
Insanity was a defense. If I couldn’t be safe, I could at least be mad.
He came in and out five more times. Hunger eventually snapped my world into focus. I couldn’t remember why I wasn’t thanking him.
He sat on the bed, patting the space beside him. I obeyed.“And who will you thank for this bountiful feast?”“The Prophet,” I said.
He held out a sandwich. I bit in. The acid hurt my jaw, but I was starving. When only one piece was left, he held it between his fingers.
“Suck every morsel off them. Your Prophet needs you.”
My stomach turned. I jerked back.
“You’ve begun,” he said with a chuckle.
Before I could stop myself, I asked, “Could you stop the voices?”
“They’re helping you see who you are.”
The voices returned, wearing his tone, carrying his verdicts, erasing the thin line between his cruelty and my own thoughts.
“You’re worthless.”
“A drag on everyone around you.”
“A burden.”
I tried to be Miss Q again, the crazy woman who would wake up any minute, but my mistakes, both worlds, haunted me.
A tear slid down my cheek, the only thing in me still moving.
Chapter 38
Cayden
Myfirstdayinthe Alun resulted in nothing. Yes, the room was incredible. The patterns and markings through the ages were powerful in ways even I would need to research to understand, but their secrets were just another thing holding us back.
Every failure destroyed another piece of my sanity.
Early the next morning, I slipped into the hatch expecting solitude but found the Architect cross-legged in the center. Irritation punched through my chest.
“Are you willing to work together today?” he asked.
Before I could answer, Rowan bumped my shoulder with his heavy leather boot. I quickly scooted to the side so he wouldn’t crush me with his bulk coming down.
“Teamwork time,” Rowan smiled. “We’re going to find her today. I know it.”
I didn’t look at the Architect, but I didn’t argue with Rowan either.
