PROLOGUE
Thirteen Years Ago – Eighteen years old
Bonnie Hayes’sheart thrashed against her ribs. Hard, violent hits that made her entire body tremble.
Dead. Her parents were dead. She’d just attended their funeral. It didn’t feel real.
She swiped a tear from her cheek, wanting to go back in time. God, she’d do anything to go back two weeks when she’d had living parents. Back when life had made sense and the hurt in her chest hadn’t felt like it would swallow her whole.
But she couldn’t. Her parents were gone. And she’d never see them again.
She parked at the lookout and the second she was out of the car, she threw up, her entire body convulsing.
Her fault. Her entire world was collapsing and it was all her fault. She shouldn’t have gone out that night. Her parents hadtoldher to stay home. After everything with Dean and his family, they’d wanted her with them so they could make sure she was okay.
But she hadn’t listened. And now she’d never be okay again.
Stupid. Selfish. The words repeated in her head.Had beenrepeating for weeks.
Shehadgone out that night. Not to anywhere in particular, just to try to escape the hate this town was shooting at her from every direction.
And they’d come for her. Her parents had gotten into their car to bring her home…only they hadn’t made it home.
She stumbled into the forest, tears filling her eyes, blurring the ground beneath her feet. The tears on Indie’s cheeks flashed in her head. Her sister had cried during the entire funeral. Loud, anguished tears that would haunt Bonnie for years to come. While Noah had just stood there, so still she hadn’t seen him take a single breath. Like the shock and grief stole his ability to function.
Bonnie, on the other hand…she hadn’t been able to shed a single tear. There’d been too much self-hate. She hadn’tdeservedto cry. Not at the funeral, not when so many people were hurting because she’d made the wrong decision.
But now? In the dead of the night when there was no one to see her break…she felt it all. The pain. The guilt. The claws that were shredding her insides.
She’d never hear her father’s voice again. She’d never feel her mother’s healing hugs.
Pain squeezed at her ribs, so tight it felt like her bones were breaking. She doubled over, wrapping her arms around her middle like that could somehow dull the ache and hold her together.
A few months ago, she’d been numb. Chasing the ability to feel something,anything.
Now? Now her chest, herentire body,had been cracked wide open, and she’d do anything to go back to before.
She started to heave, the very act of breathing feeling too hard. The shake in her limbs was so violent it made remaining on her feet a challenge.
Breathe. She needed to breathe. But she couldn’t. Dean was dead. The town blamed her. Called her a murderer. Graffitied her car. Now her parents, the only two people in the world who had loved her unconditionally, were gone too.
She scrunched her eyes, like that could somehow make it all stop.
But that was a stupid thought. It would never stop. This would always be her fault. Her reality.
Her phone rang from her pocket. It had been going off since she’d left the funeral.
She pulled it out, having to blink three times to make out the words on the screen.
Noah.
She couldn’t answer it. How was she supposed to talk to him? How was she supposed to talk toanyone? All she did was hurt those around her.
There were texts too. A couple from Maisie. Her best friend had been trying to reach her for weeks, but after what happened that night with Dean, she had zero desire to go to her. And then there was a text from Carlos, Dean’s father. A man who hated her so fiercely that he seemed to take joy in her pain.
She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t blocked his number yet. Maybe because some part of her had been waiting for him to reassure her that Dean’s death wasn’t her fault. She wanted him to tell her that she was only eighteen, and it had not been her responsibility to get their son home safely from that party.
She skimmed the text, certain familiar words glaring at her.
