The painand sadness on Addie’s face almost made him want to take it back. All of it. To close that distance between them, take her into his arms, and assure her that everything would be okay.
But that would be a fucking lie. He didn’t know if it would be okay. He’d almost hurt her again. And unless he did something, it would just keep happening and she’d never be safe with him.
He stepped away, afraid her proximity might push him to make the wrong decision.
Another flash of pain in her beautiful blue eyes. But it would hurt more if one of these times he used his strength, the skills he’d learned in the military, to hurt her. Neither of them would come out of that unscathed.
“I’m sorry, Addison.” So sorry that his heart felt like it was fucking bleeding.
Tears welled in her eyes, almost breaking him. “I get it. I wish things were different but…I get it. I just want you to be okay.”
Somehow her understanding made it worse. He had no fucking idea how, but it did. “Just until I know that you can touch me and no part of my body will confuse you with a threat.”
She nodded, a single tear falling down her cheek.
He wanted to tell her that it would be soon, but that would be an empty promise he couldn’t keep. He had no idea how long it would take to fix himself or how the fuck he was supposed to get there.
His fingers twitched to swipe the tear away. He turned before he could. Walking away was hard. Maybe one of the hardest things he’d ever done.
In the bedroom, he pulled on jeans and a T-shirt.
He felt her behind him. “I’ll call someone to watch the house.”
“I’llleave,” she pushed. “You stay. It’s your home.”
“No. Stay here. Lock the doors. It’s safer than your place. I’ll talk to Jesse about what we can do to ensure your safety.” Whatever it was, it had to keep her safe from him as well.
Once he was dressed and his bag packed, he moved to the door, every step feeling hard and heavy and wrong. He grabbed his car keys from the hall table and flicked off the alarm. He’d just put a hand on the door when he felt it.
Addie grazed his arm, her warm, gentle touch surging into his bloodstream. “Noah, I’m not going to try to stop you. I just need you to know…I’ll be waiting for you.”
His fingers tightened on the knob, his eyes squeezing closed in pain. He couldn’t trust himself to turn to her. To look at her. Because then he’d back out of this. And he couldn’t afford to do that.
He stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind him. Then he had to physically force himself to move. To put one foot in front of the other. When he slid behind the wheel, he didn’tleave right away. Instead, he sent a text to Becket asking him to watch the house until Jesse could sort out some protection.
Twenty minutes later, his cousin pulled up, and finally he drove away, but not before making himself a promise. This was it. This was when the healing began. For Addie. For their future.
CHAPTER 22
“Oh, my darling girl, I’m so sorry.”
Addie dug her fingers into her thighs beneath the table, the bite of pain helping to hold off the tears. Jules didn’t need to see her cry. “It’s been three days since I moved out. And three days since I’ve heard his voice. I hate it.”
She’d left because she had to. Packed up her things that same morning and moved back home. She hadn’t been able to stay. Everything had smelled like him. A constant reminder that he was gone.
Her parents were still at her house, and she’d craved their comfort. Plus, it meant her house didn’t feel too quiet. And she had people to pretend she was okay in front of. Not that she’d been very good at pretending.
Of course, Noah had texted that same night asking where she was. A part of her had hoped that he’d reply asking her to come back. That he’d made a mistake.
He hadn’t.
Jules reached over the table and grasped her hand. “Your parents are still in town?”
“Yeah, but they’re leaving tonight. Mom has to get back to work. Dad offered to stay. Well, less offered and more pushed.But I don’t want him here. I want him away from me and in Bozeman where it’s safer. He’s not a young Marine anymore. Plus, I seem to always have a deputy on me watching my back.”
She glanced out the window, and sure enough, the patrol car was in the lot.
Jules nodded slowly. “It’s good you have such great parents. But can I give you my two cents on this whole Noah stuff?”
