“Why? You didn’t hurt her.”
“It happened on my watch. I should have checked all the equipment myself.” It was his damn park. And he was her boss. He was the reason she was up there.
“That sounds like guilt.”
“Yeah, maybe it is.”
Toby’s brows flickered. “Are you two dating?”
“Yes.” They hadn’t given what they were doing a label, but hell, there was no other word for it.
“Did seeing someone you care about almost get hurt bring back what happened on your last mission?”
The muscles in his forearms twitched. “It was different. She’s different.”
“Iknow that.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, maybe it did bring stuff back up. But the second I held her last night, that stuff quieted like it always does.”
Another nod from Toby, like he was considering everything Noah said. Then he leaned forward. “There’s something else going through your mind though, isn’t there?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “The more I care about her, the more I wonder if I’m being…”
“What, Noah?”
“Selfish. She’s good for me, but I’m not sure if I’m good for her. Not yet anyway. I’m getting better, but I’m not completely there yet. And even though I haven’t hurt her, it’s not an impossibility.”
“Are you saying you want to break things off with her?”
Fuck, even thinking about that hurt. “I’m saying there’s this voice in my head that keeps repeating to me that the only way I can truly keep her safe is by putting some distance between us.”
There was a heavy pause. “It might not be a bad idea…for now. At least until you’ve put the work in to make yourself better.”
Frustration twisted in his gut. At the idea of being separated from her. Of her not being his. “But I also can’t leave her unprotected.”
“What if she wasn’t in danger? Would you still be dating her? Or would you give yourself more time to heal first?”
How the fuck would he know? “I don’t know. But I do know that I care about her.”
“Okay. But I want you to really ask yourself if it’s fair to heroryou for you to start a relationship with someone just because she’s in danger. And what if next time, something worsehappens to her? Will it set you back? And will that in turn hurther?”
“You think I should break things off with her.”
“I think you’re still struggling with your past. That could put both of you at risk in different ways. And she deserves the best version of you. Sometimes, healing is about doing the hard work when the comfort isn’t there.”
A band wrapped around Noah’s chest. Because nothing Toby said was anything he hadn’t already thought himself.
“Let’s leave it there for today,” Toby said gently. “We’ve covered a lot and there’s a lot for you to think about.”
“A lot” being Addie. He was supposed tothinkabout leaving her.
He drove straight home after the appointment. He still needed to go to the park today and do a couple of things, but he wanted Addie with him for that. Yes, she was in his locked and alarmed house right now, but with him, she was always safer. Exactly why the thought of breaking up with her felt fucking crazy.
Yet at the same time, shediddeserve the best version of him.
He’d just pulled into his drive when his cell rang, Bonnie’s name on the screen. A smile tugged at his lips as he answered the call. “Bonnie. I was starting to think you’d forgotten about me.”
A soft chuckle sounded over the line. “Forget about my older brother, who used to grab me in a headlock and mess up my hair? Impossible. How are you?”
