“Only when you close your eyes?”
“Sometimes when I’m awake. I hate it. All of it. I want to sleep. I want to have a relationship and be healthy and happy.”
Long beats of quiet passed. Toby didn’t fill the space with empty reassurances. There was just the sharp tick of the clock on the wall. A car engine outside.
Finally, Toby leaned forward. “First of all, what you’re experiencing is normal. The nightmares. The feeling of being connected to a moment in your life that changed you. It’s your brain’s way of telling you that it was hurt. Your brain isn’t weak or broken though. It’s just communicating with you.”
“It feels pretty fucking weak sometimes.”
“If your arm broke, no one would question you when you couldn’t lift something. If your leg was shattered, no one would expect you to walk like it was fine. It’s the same with your mind. It was wounded, and now it needs to heal.”
“Canit heal?”
“Yes. Trauma is like any weight. At first it’s so heavy it’s impossible to move because it’s weighing you down. But you put in the work. You get stronger. And eventually, it’s not so hard to carry. But it won’t be exactly the way it was before the injury.”
Noah scrubbed his hands over his face. “I need to be good enough that I’m not a danger to others.”
“Do you think you’d hurt someone?”
His jaw tightened. “When I have flashbacks, I don’t feel in control of my actions. They make me feel…dangerous.”
“It’s good that you can recognize that. To begin, you need to understand your triggers, then we can work out how to ensure you stay in control. I believe that once we get further into these sessions, once we really put in the work, you’ll feel more in control.”
Fuck, he hoped so. He wasdependingon this working.
CHAPTER 12
Addie smiled and waved goodbye as the last park visitor left for the day. Her cheeks hurt. She didn’t realize how much effort it took to smile when smiling was the last thing she felt like doing.
Six days. She’d been living in Noah’s house for six whole days, yet she’d barely seen him. She’d thought that if she stayed in his home like he asked, they’d have an opportunity to talk or move on from what had happened, but instead of coming home, he’d been staying with Colt and Indie and there’d been a deputy on the house.
It was silly because it washishouse. He should feel like he could spend time in his own home, but he clearly didn’t because she was there.
Well, not any longer. She’d changed the locks on her front and back doors, so she could finally go home. Did she want to live by herself? No. But she was basically doing that now anyway, so nothing would really change.
And that wasn’t the only thing on her mind right now. The park was closed tomorrow, but the staff was doing a team bonding day of rock climbing. She’d thought—hoped—that because she worked in the office, she wouldn’t have to do it.Apparently, not the case, so she was rock climbing tomorrow, and everyone would find out that she was not the outdoorsy adventure person she’d marketed herself as.
Great.
With a sigh, she turned off the laptop and packed her bag. Once everything was locked up, instead of going to her car, she went down the trail to the campsite. A group of schoolkids were there for a few nights, and Noah had been with them all dayandthe day before. He was actually really good at staying busy and far away from her.
Her heart gave a little squeeze because, yes, it made her sad. She liked spending time with him.
Jules rounded a corner, empty trays in her hands. “Addie! Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to talk to Noah.” Or talk some sense into him, at least.
“Is it to make sure he goes home? Because that boy’s been here far too much this week. He’s a step away from setting up camp and living here.”
Oh, she was absolutely aware of that. “Actually, it is.”
“Maybe you’ll have better luck than me.” The older woman patted her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, honey.”
At the campsite, the fire was lit and there were kids everywhere. Some roasting marshmallows. A lot running around.
But where was Noah? There were a few adults around, probably teachers. But she couldn’t see—
Her gaze zeroed in on Noah’s broad shoulders. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, talking to Rhett.
