He moved his mouth down her throat, tasting her skin. When he found the spot on her neck that he knew made her shudder, he sucked, and her entire body trembled.
He wanted to keep going. To kiss and stroke and taste every inch of her. But not tonight. Not after his father had tainted the evening.
He lifted his mouth and touched his forehead to hers. “You’re magic, Indie. You know that? You do something to me that nothing and no one else could ever do.”
Her hands curved around his neck. “It’s called love.”
Indie scrunchedher eyes and rolled to her side. She couldn’t sleep. How long had she been lying in bed, not tired at all? Not even a little bit. One hour? Two?
All she could think about was Colt on her couch in the other room. And that kiss…God, that kiss. It had been even better than the first one. Emotional and intimate andhealing. It was crazy, but she’d felt that reconnection after a part of their marriage had broken a year ago.
When Colt had first moved to California, she’d lived with him, and there’d been times when he’d come home from a long mission and all he’d seemed to want was to kiss and hold her like he had tonight. That was how he’d quieted the storm inside him. And she’d always tried to give him all of her.
But now, lying here by herself felt wrong.
She rolled to her other side.
Even though the lights were off, the moon cast gentle light over the room.
Her eyes landed on her phone. And like she had so many other nights, she reached out and opened her photos. Not her most recent photos. Her albums…or one album in particular. The same album she’d opened a million times before. Every time she missed him, this was where she went. Every time she felt like she couldn’t breathe without him, this was the album that gave her air.
Pictures of her and Colt. Some of them smiling. Some laughing. She stopped on one where she was looking up at him, and he was looking down at her. Neither of them were smiling. She couldn’t even remember who’d taken the photo. But the love…God, you could almost feel it.
Tears she couldn’t stop pressed at her eyes. They were so happy. But this was before it had gotten hard and her mental health had taken such a turn.
She blinked away the tears before flicking over to messages. Her fingers just started moving.
Indie: If you had a do-over, would you do that day differently?
It was late. He was probably asleep. And even if he wasn’t, he probably didn’t even know what day she was talking about.
Her phone vibrated with a response.
Colt: I’ve asked myself that question a million times…and the answer is always yes.
Indie: What would you change?
Colt: I would have called an ambulance for my mother, then called you right away. Whatever we did next would have been a joint decision. But I would have been with you for that call from the IVF clinic. I would have held you when they told you that our last embryo didn’t take. And I could have pulled you up from the water when you felt like you were drowning.
Tears spilled down her cheeks.
If that had happened, if Colt had been there for her to lean on, cry on, maybe it would have hurt less. Maybe she wouldn’t have felt like the future she’d built in her mind had shattered, leaving nothing but blank space.
Colt: I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. Next time, I swear to you, I will be.
Indie: I need you.
Three words.
And only a few seconds later, the door opened. The bed behind her dipped, and she was enveloped by Colt’s strong chest and arms. More tears fell. Tears of grief for that night and for everything else. That they never got their baby. The stolen months of trying and failing. The dream of becoming pregnant postponed again and again.
“Indie, tell me what you’re feeling,” he whispered into her ear.
“Every cycle, I got my hopes up that it was going to be different because of something that we did or changed, and then it was the same outcome. And I started to wonder…what’s wrong with me? Why is my body broken?”
His arm tightened around her. “There isnothingwrong with you. You aren’t broken. You areperfect. And this journey isn’t over for you.”
She wasn’t sure she believed that. But she wanted to.
