She hung up and, like clockwork, her phone started ringing, the name of the fertility clinic on the screen.
For a moment she just stood there, her heart rate speeding up and stumbling over itself. The fear that came with each beat slipped out to other parts of her body.
Alone. She had to do this alone. She had to be strong.
With shaking fingers, she hit the answer key. “Indie speaking.”
“Hi, Indie, it’s Nurse Raven from Amber Ridge Fertility Center. How are you?”
There was something about the nurse’s voice…slow, each word deliberate.
Suddenly, Indie wanted to run. To hang up and be as far from this call as possible. Because even though a second ago she’d told herself to be strong, she didn’t feel strong right now. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff, and the next words had the power to tip her over the edge.
“I’m okay,” Indie said softly. A lie. Possibly the biggest she’d ever told. Nothing about this was okay or fair or made a bit of sense. “Just waiting for you to call.”
There was a small pause. “I’m sorry. Unfortunately, the results of your blood test came back negative. You’re not pregnant.”
Not pregnant.The words slipped beneath her skin, so familiar, yet still so much power to hurt.
There was no baby. Six years of trying. A million needles and tests and heartache, and she wasstillexactly where she’d started.
How many times could she create space in her heart for someone who never arrived?
The nurse continued talking, but the woman’s words started to blur as a buzzing sounded between her ears. When her body felt too heavy, she dropped to the couch, her head falling between her knees in an attempt to breathe. To try to stop the devastation, the hopelessness, from swallowing her whole.
It was never going to happen. She wasnevergoing to get pregnant and hold her baby in her arms. She was never going to hear their little laugh or see what color their eyes were. She’d never feel those chubby fingers wrap around her own.
A sob broke out of her throat and tears burned her eyes. All those timelines she’d grieved, and this was just another. But it felt more final.
At some point, the phone slipped from her fingers and she just cried. Loud, ugly tears as the pain bled out of her.
Time passed, but she couldn’t move. And when the front door opened, she didn’t immediately look up. She knew exactly who it was.
“Indie?”
Slowly, she forced her gaze up.
Colt’s face paled. He moved toward her, fast steps that closed the distance between them.
But she shook her head. “Stop.”
He halted, confusion mixing with the concern in his dark eyes. “Indie—”
“You weren’t here. I needed you, and you weren’t here.”
Agony twisted his features. “I know. My mom called me, hysterical that she was having a heart attack. I meant to call you when I reached the hospital but my phone died. I’d just plugged it in when Mom answered your call.”
Ofcourseshe’d said she was having a heart attack. If she’d used the same “chest pains” excuse as last time, Colt wouldn’t have gone to her before the IVF clinic called. But a heart attack? Yeah, that worked.
He stepped closer. “I’m here now. And I need to make sure you’re okay—”
“I’m not.” The words cut into the air like a knife. Her voice almost cracked, but she forced it to remain steady. “I haven’t been okay for a long time.”
“I know.” Two whispered words from him. “Trying to have a baby has been challenging—”
“Challenging? Colt…it’s destroying me. I’ve been stuck in this place of trying to have a baby for six years, and I’m losing hope. I’m losing strength. I’m losing my ability to see any light in this world. And today, I needed you!”
“How can I fix this?”
