“Shoot.” He sipped his beer.
“I’m a virgin.”
He choked and stopped in his tracks. “What?”
“I’m a virgin. And I’m turning thirty in a couple of weeks, and I don’t want to go into my thirtiesstillbeing a virgin.”
His jaw was open and the expression on his face was almost comical. The man who was always so guarded and steady now looked at her with wide unblinking eyes and had a death grip on his beer.
She sucked in a breath. “You don’t need to say anything right now. I just needed to tell you. Because when you kissed me, I felt something. I felt a lot of things actually, and they all make me think the same thing—that it’s supposed to be you.”
That familiar fear crept into his eyes, so she hurried to get the last words out.
“I know you’re scared. But I would have kicked myself if I hadn’t at least told you. I’m putting the ball in your court. If you say no, that I’m still not what you want, then that’s okay.” It would hurt, but she’d accept it. She’d have to. “But a part of me will always love you. And I want it to be you.”
Holden could barely stomachthe huckleberry pie. Clara’s words repeated in his head, toying with him.
A virgin. Clara was a virgin.
How was that even possible? She was gorgeous and smart and the kind of person people gravitated toward. And she was almost thirty.
He looked at her. She was eating her pie while talking to Aspen and Sky as though she hadn’t just dropped the biggest bomb on his head.
“This pie is damn good,” Jesse said as he sat beside him on the log.
“Has Clara dated over the years?”
Jesse’s fork paused midway to his mouth. “Uh, not that I’m aware of. She’s never brought anyone home to meet the family, but maybe while she was in New York. Why?”
“Just wondering.” He downed half his beer.
“Uh-huh.” Jesse glanced over at his sister, then back at Holden. “Clara’s always known what she wants. First, it was to be a corporate lawyer in New York. She was twelve when she made that decision and she was laser focused. It took up almost all of her time and energy. Then she got sick, and she wanted to be home. She wanted family and a more relaxed life. So she put the same energy into makingthathappen.”
“You have the same tenacity,” Holden mumbled. “It must be a Hayes thing.”
Jesse shook his head. “No. Clara’s better than me. Remember when she was diagnosed and everyone was freaking out, including you and me?”
Holden had only known Clara for a couple of years when she’d been diagnosed with cancer, but it hadn’t mattered. The diagnosis had felt fucking heavy. He’d called and messaged to check in as much as he could. And any time he got any leave, it was spent here, in Amber Ridge.
“Claradidn’tfreak out,” Jesse continued. “She gave herself one week to grieve, then her entire focus went into beating the cancer. She didn’t let it break her. She just did what she needed to do.”
“She’s focused.”
“She is.”
“But how does that relate to her not dating anyone?”
“She fights for what she wants. So, if she hasn’t dated anyone, she either hasn’t met the person she wants yet or she’s still fighting for them.” Jesse squeezed his leg before rising. “I need more whipped cream for my pie.”
Holden frowned at Jesse as he walked away. Did he know? Holden hadn’t told him about the kiss because he hadn’t known what the hell to say. And it would have brought up questions that he didn’t have the answers to.
His gaze shifted back to Clara, but she was no longer with the women. She was holding an empty jug and walking toward the back door of the house.
Like his feet had a mind of their own, he stood and started in the same direction.
He stepped in just as Clara was moving away from the sink, full jug in hand.
“Holden, what are you—”
