“Why’s your personal life a mess?”
She swallowed hard. “Because I love Holden, and I don’t know what to do about it.” She’d never admitted that to her mother. But by the look in Pam Hayes’s eyes, she knew.
“He’s been really good at running from you.”
“You saw that?”
“Clara, I saweverything. And I can tell you that whenever that boy’s in your vicinity, you are all he sees.”
“I thought he loved me too, but then I had that scare at the hospital and he was so quick to end things.”
“I’m not surprised.”
She frowned. “You’re not?”
“He knows what it feels like to be alone in this world and to have no one. And he blames that on cancer. Then you—this beautiful, kind woman who he loves—has her oncologist walk into the room, and it suddenly hits him that he could go through that pain all over again. He panics. He does the only thing he knows how to do to protect himself and pushes you away.”
She made it all sound so obvious. “Somanythings could happen to me. Health isn’t guaranteed. I want someone who’ll stand by me during my hardest times.”
Her mother nodded slowly. “Letting him back in would be a risk. But loving someone is always a risk.”
She swallowed hard. Since going into remission, she’d prided herself on taking risks. “Do you regret loving Dad, because you lost him?”
“Not for a single second. That man was the love of my life. He gave me you kids and you’re my world. He also gave me some of my best memories. They’re gifts. And they’re still alive inside me. No one can ever take them away.”
Her heart did one of those massive thumps. Because shewantedthat. She wanted those memories and that love and everything that came with it. And yeah…she wanted to take that risk.
She stayed outside with her mother for another hour, talking about everything and nothing. Just something else she loved about her mother—they never ran out of stuff to talk about.
When the doorbell rang, her mother stood and squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll get that.”
She was looking out over the yard, a million thoughts running through her head, when the door opened. But it wasn’t her mother who walked through.
Holden stood there, looking big and powerful and protective.
His eyes were intense, emotions flickering in the hazel depths. When he started moving toward her with slow, intentional steps, her heart began to beat faster. Hard thuds against her rib cage that made her breaths shorten and her skin tingle.
He crouched in front of her, so close that she could see the laugh lines beside his eyes. The dark specks in his hazel eyes. “Hey.”
His deep, rumbly voice ran over her skin. “Hey.”
“I’ve missed you.”
“It’s only been a day.”
“Too long.” He reached out and slipped a lock of hair behind her ear, and God, her entire body wanted to lean into that touch. The need was so great that it hurt not to. “How are you doing?”
“My mom is filling me with tea and croissants and some pretty great advice.”
He didn’t smile, just kept his intense gaze on her. “Doesn’t really answer my question, Clara.”
“Not too good.”
Concern…maybe a bit of anger…flickered over his expression. “Let me take you home. Let me look after you.”
Her fingers tightened around her mug.
He lowered his hands to her thighs, just above her knees. “Please. It’s killing me to be away from you.”
