“I can’t.” The words were barely a whisper. So quiet that she didn’t think he’d hear.
“You can. For me, honey.”
His words had her eyes scrunching and her hand touching the wood on the other side of his.
When she didn’t move to open the door, she expected him to leave. He didn’t. Three entire minutes passed of them just standing there in silence, a couple inches of wood separating them, before he turned. But instead of walking away, he dropped to the ground and leaned against the door.
He wasn’t going to go. He was going to wait for her.
She took a moment to suck in air. To summon that little bit of courage.
You can do this without breaking down, Callie. Talk to him.
Her mind still screamed at her to keep the door closed, but her heart was braver, urging her to open it and let him in.
Slowly, she unlatched the lock and pulled open the door.
Lock rose to his feet and turned, his gaze intense as he took her in. “Callie…”
“Come in.”
Before he could respond, she turned and headed into the apartment. The door clicked closed, but she didn’t turn, just went to the kitchen counter and got out the bag of coffee. Keeping busy felt better. Easier. A small distraction.
“That’s what you were going to tell me that morning, wasn’t it?”
She paused at his words before turning back to look at him. He was about five feet away, but it still felt too close. “Yes. I’d known for about a month, but I wanted to tell you in person. I was scared about how you’d take it. We’d only been dating a year, and even though I knew I loved you, and we were planningon living together, there was still fear because we’d never talked about kids.”
His brows flickered. “When did you lose the baby?”
“Three weeks after you broke up with me. I was already asleep, and I woke up to…” She closed her eyes, the crack in her voice making her pause for a second before she looked at him again. “I woke up and I knew something was wrong. I called you, but when you didn’t answer, I called Dad.”
Pain twisted his features, and she almost wished she hadn’t added that sentence. But God, she was tired of keeping it all inside her.
He stepped closer. “I wish I’d answered the call, Callie.”
“Dad took me to the hospital. They called it ‘early pregnancy loss.’” She shook her head, the words still feeling wrong in her head. “It didn’t feel early. I’d known for almost two months by that point. It felt like I already knew this little person inside me.”
His hands fisted. “How long were you in there for?”
“Only a night. It was when I got home that it really hit me… I’d gone from having you and expecting our child and having this vision of our future to losing absolutely everything. And the grief…God, it changed me. It changed the way I existed in the world. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.”
“Callie, I’m so damn sorry. I loved you so much, and I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“I know that. But it’s not about how much you love someone. It’s abouthowyou love them.” If possible, his frown deepened. “I get why you did what you did, I really do. But it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t there, and I don’t know how to…let that go.”
“Then don’t.”
She frowned.
“Hold on to it. Remind me every day that I messed up, and that I need to do better. That I need tobebetter.” He steppedcloser again, this time cupping her cheek, and she couldn’t pull away. “Iwillbe better, Callie. For you, I will work every day to be the best version of myself.”
He sounded like he meant it. And despite their past, despite the ache in her chest, she wanted to believe him. God, she wanted to believe him.
CHAPTER 13
Callie pulled her car into her driveway and leaned back against the headrest.
Man, she was tired. She almost wanted to close her eyes right then and there. Screw the walk to her front door.
