“Oh my gosh,Elle, that sounds intense.”
Elle’s fingers tightened around her iced coffee at Sadie’s words. They were sitting in Sugar and Spice, and Sadie was taking a break while the shop was quiet and her grandmother was behind the counter.
Elle gave her friend a small nod. “Itwasintense, and I’m not sure I handled it very well. I just…panicked. I saw them together, and I felt like an insecure sixteen-year-old again.”
Unwanted. Undeserving.
“But he said he wasn’t kissing her?” Sadie asked.
“He did, but by that point I was too far gone. It just hurt so much, and it hit me…what am I doing? He could have chosen me so many times, but he didn’t. Time and time again he chose other girls over me, and now…what? I’m just going to trust that he finally sees me? Trust that if I fall in love with him all over again, he won’t break my heart?”
“You really think he’d break your heart?”
“As far as I’m aware, he’s never been in a long-term relationship, and I don’t know if it’s a risk my heart can take.”That much was true. If she let herself believe that she could have Jace, that he was hers, she might not survive the aftermath if it turned out to be untrue.
Tears she couldn’t control pressed at her eyes, but she blinked them back.
Sadie reached across and set her hand on top of Elle’s. “You can cry with me. God knows I came to you enough about Eastern.”
She shook her head. “No, I can’t. Six months after he cut contact with me, I cried for him. It wasn’t the first time, but I promised myself it would be the last. So I don’t want to cry.”
“Then don’t. Let’s curse and yell instead.”
Despite everything, she laughed. “ThatI can get onboard with.”
Sadie frowned. “You said something before. You said he would date these beautiful women.”
“Oh my gosh, they weregorgeous.”
“So are you.”
She ran her finger up and down the straw in her cup. “I used to look a bit different, and that affected my self-esteem. Of course, now I look back and my heart hurts for the teenage version of myself, because shewasbeautiful, she just didn’t know it. And even after I lost the weight, nothing changed immediately. It took me a long time to realize that my body is the only home I’ll ever get, and it’smyjob to look after it and love it, not someone else’s.” She lifted a shoulder. “I still struggle a lot of the time, but self-love is something I’ll forever be working on.”
Sadie’s eyes softened. “I think we all have days where we struggle with self-love. I’m glad you feel better about yourself now though. Youarebeautiful, inside and out.”
“Thank you.”
“Sadie?”
They both looked up at her grandmother, Mrs. Sandler, who had three people in front of the counter. “Sorry, dear, but would you be able to take the cookies out of the oven in the back?”
“Sure.”
Elle stood with Sadie. “I need to get going anyway. Thank you for the chat. I really needed it.”
“Of course.” Sadie tugged her into a hug. “Thanks for coming by. Let’s catch up again soon. Ooh, let’s try that new yoga and Pilates studio that just opened up in town.”
Elle frowned. “There’s a new yoga and Pilates studio?”
“Sure is. It’s only a street over from here.”
“Sounds good. Text me the time and place.” Not that she’d done much yoga or Pilates in her life. Quite the opposite.
Elle waved to Mrs. Sandler before stepping outside.
Today was a rare day off, which she was grateful for. She’d woken up feeling like crap after what she’d said to Jace last night, and a quick catch-up with Sadie was exactly what she’d needed.
The midmorning sun hit her skin as she headed down the street. One thing she loved about where she lived was that she could walk to so many places from her apartment. But thank God she’d driven to the bar last night. If she’d walked, she was sure Jace would have walked her home, and with her being on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown, that would not have been a good idea.
