“Do what?”
Her heart pounded in her chest, so hard and loud, it was all she heard and felt.
Just like last night, Jace touched her chin and lifted her head until their eyes met. “Tink. Do what?”
“I waited for you to see me, Jace.” The words were barely a whisper. “I waited so long that parts of me started to ache that I didn’t even know existed. And theentire time, I had to watch you date these other women…these beautiful, perfect women who looked nothing like me. And every time you chose one of them over me, I felt a part of myself slip away. And the parts that were left started to believe the whispers in my head, that I wasn’t enough for you.”
Pain flickered across his face. “That’s not true. Elle, I—”
“Don’t. Don’t tell me you choose me now. Even if you weren’t kissing Molly, it doesn’t change anything. This isn’t just about what I saw in there. It’s about the fear that I felt just walking into that bar. The fear I’ve felt since you got back to town. Fear that I’ll spend my entire life chasing something that will never truly be mine.”Him.Hewould never truly be hers. “I can’t hear you say you choose me, afternotchoosing me for decades, because it will make me want something I can’t possibly allow myself to want.”
“Why won’t you allow yourself to want me?”
“Because you walked away from me, and you never even bothered to see if I was still here waiting for you.” But she had been. God, she’d waited so long she’d started to forget time and space. She’d waited until waiting just hurt too much.
“I walked away because I had to,” he whispered.
“But that’s the thing…youdidn’thave to. People leave, but they keep in contact. You stopped. Stopped replying to my messages. Stopped calling.”
A muscle in his jaw clicked, and he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry.”
“I don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to be separate from me.” Even though the words were from her own lips, they almost killed her to say aloud.
He shook his head. “You can’t tell me all that and just expect me to walk away.”
“I willalwayscare about you, Jace, but it needs to be from afar. Because otherwise there might not be anything left of me.”
“So what are you saying? What do you want from me?”
What did she want? She wanted to feel valued and important and secure. She wanted to walk into a bar and be sure that the man she was meeting, the man she loved, loved her back just as much.
“I want you to let me go,” she whispered, pain weaving into her words.
“I can’t do that.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
CHAPTER 13
“The texts came from a burner phone.”
Jace scowled as he leaned toward his brother. “You’re serious?” They were sitting in Eastern’s office at the sheriff’s station, and his brother had just traced the unknown number that was texting him. “You’re saying someone purchased a fucking burner just so they could send me these texts?”
“Looks like it. I’m sorry, man.” Eastern frowned, quiet for a beat, before he said, “You didn’t tell me you lost someone.”
He knew asking for Eastern’s help would lead to him having to share what had happened to Dean. He’d done it anyway. Probably because he was so pissed after what had happened at the bar last night, and he needed something in his life to make sense.
“His name was Dean. He was the newest member of our team. Young but enthusiastic. He died during a mission. The rest of my team survived, but Dean was shot in the back of the neck.”
At what point did that story get easier to tell? Or did the pain just remain a permanent part of him?
Eastern’s features remained completely clear, but Jace knew that didn’t mean he didn’t feel anything. Eastern had been a Navy SEAL—he knew how much losing a team member hurt.
“And why is this person saying it’s your fault?” Eastern asked.
“Because I was closest to him. Because he looked up to me. Because I took my eyes off him.”
“None of those things make his death your fault.”
