“Everything. That I was sorry. That I wanted to do more. That Ishouldhavedone more.” Again, he turned to look at her, the pain in his eyes almost cutting straight through her heart. “He had a big family. A family who loved him. A brother and sister. Nieces and nephews. He talked about wanting kids…and about his cute fucking chihuahua he’d left with his parents.”
She turned her hand over and slipped her fingers through his. “That was a tragedy, Jace, and I’m so sorry you were a part of it. That you lost someone you cared about. But he didn’t die because of you. None of the people you’ve lost have beenbecauseof you.”
“You were.”
Her heart slammed into her ribs. “What?”
“I lost you because I stopped calling. I stopped telling you when I was in town. I just…stopped. And out of all my losses, you hurt the most.”
Her lungs seized as every word suddenly died on her lips.
“Did it hit you as hard as it hit me?” he asked.
Emotions welled in her chest. Emotions she had no idea how to handle. A part of her wanted to lie. To tell him that his absence hadn’t shaded every part of her life. But she couldn’t. Not to him. So she said nothing.
He leaned forward. “If I left again, would you miss me?”
“Jace, I’ve spent years missing you. The pain has just become a part of me.”
His eyes darkened, and when he cupped her cheek, she knew she should pull away. He was drunk, and as the sober person, she needed to put space between them. But she just…couldn’t.
He leaned forward, and she remained so perfectly still that her lungs didn’t even fill with air. For a moment, she thought hemight kiss her, and she had no idea what she’d do if he tried. But then his temple touched hers, he closed his eyes, and he just seemed to breathe her in.
“Sometimes I can almost forget the time we’ve spent apart…almost.”
She closed her eyes and for a few seconds just let the touch of his temple, the feel of his hand on her cheek, seep into her. But she had to get up. She couldn’t take advantage of his drunken state, no matter how good his skin felt against hers.
“I’ll get you a blanket.”
He shook his head. “No. Lie with me. Just for a few minutes. Please?”
She should say no. She knew she should. But then he was rearranging them, tugging her down onto the couch so that her back was pressed to his front, and he slipped an arm around her waist, and suddenly she couldn’t move.
She couldn’t do anything but close her eyes and let herself imagine, just for a moment, that she was his.
A sweet floralscent filled the air around Jace, causing his nose to twitch. It was a familiar scent. A scent he’d dreamed about for far too long.Herscent.
His eyes flicked open to see a living room. Beige and pale pink shades—definitely nothisliving room. The lights were still on, but one glance at the wall clock told him it was three in the morning.
His night came back to him. The bar. The beers. Showing up at Elle’s apartment.
Fuck, he’d fallen asleep. Not a huge surprise. He shouldn’t have drunk so much.
Stupid. So stupid. And the things he’d said to Elle, the things he’d revealed…he wanted to hit his damn head against a wall. She didn’t need to know about Dean. About the guilt that plagued him day in, day out.
But at the same time, telling her felt good. Like a weight lifted from his chest.
Elle’s soft breaths whispered through the quiet. It reminded him of the times she’d slept over at his place when they were younger, usually because she’d needed a break from her eccentric aunt.
His arm was tucked around her waist as she lay on her side. It was the way he’d tugged her down before falling asleep, and it looked like neither of them had moved an inch.
He hadn’t slept this deeply since… Well, in a long time.
He wanted to stay. Keep her wrapped in his arms and allow them both to fall back to sleep.
He didn’t. Instead, he crept out from behind her. A gentle hum sounded from her lips, and it was almost his undoing. But he forced the ache in his chest to dull as he stood. Then, bending down, he slipped his arms under her back and legs and lifted her slowly.
Another moan released from her lips before she nuzzled into his chest. His heart beat so fast that for a moment, he didn’t move. He just held her. Felt her. Let all that was Elle, all he’d been missing, put the fractured parts of him back together.
