“It’s coconut water, and it’s hydrating, something you need right now.” She cocked her head. “Why are you drunk, Jace?”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Because drunk looks good on me.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t use humor to conceal the truth. Not with me. You never get drunk. Not since Lawson died.”
Lawson had been Jace’s high school best friend. He’d been killed by a drunk driver running a red light while Jace had been in the car, and it had affected Jace on a deep level.
The smile slipped from his face.
She leaned forward. “You can talk to me. Why are you drunk?”
“Because sometimes it hurts to breathe, and tonight I got this delusion that alcohol would help.”
The air halted in her chest. He’d never revealed anything so heavy to her before. “Why does it hurt to breathe?”
“Because I lose people. It’s what I do. Sometimes I feel like poison.”
This time the air didn’t just halt. It cut off completely, refusing to let another breath in.
She shifted closer, setting a hand on his leg. “Stop talking like that. You don’t lose people, and you’re definitely not poison.”
“I lost my mom. Then I lost Lawson.”
“Your mom had cancer, and some drunken idiot ran a red light. Neither of those are things you could have changed.”
“Then my dad died. I knew he was dying, and I barely came back to say goodbye.”
She swallowed. “He was sick for months and you were in the military. Your job wasn’t like most. You couldn’t just take time off to be with him for months on end.”
“And then there was Dean.”
She frowned. “Who’s Dean?”
“He had his whole fucking life ahead of him.”
She tightened her fingers around his leg. “Jace. Who’s Dean?”
“He was the newest member of our team. He was so damn excited to be there. And he looked up to the rest of us, me especially. No fucking idea why. He started to feel like a little brother. We should have protected him.Ishould have protected him.”
A sick feeling began to churn in her belly. “What happened?”
He ran a finger over the back of her hand. “It was a sneak attack we didn’t see coming. We weren’t prepared.”
When he paused, Elle’s skin chilled, knowing what was coming.
“He was right next to me,” Jace said, a frown etched deeply into his brow. “I took my eyes off him for a second to engage with someone coming at me from the other direction. A single fucking second, and someone took him out.”
Her heart fractured. Not just at his words, but at the pain in his tone. The way the pain was a part of him, leaching into his expression…his voice.
Leaning forward, she whispered, “That doesn’t sound like it was your fault. You and the rest of your team were fighting for your lives.”
“He trusted me to have his back. To look after him. Instead, I watched him die.”
“Don’t.” She shook her head. “Don’t take on that blame.”
He leaned his head back, eyes closing again. “I couldn’t even go to the funeral. I couldn’t face his family. It hurt too much. Iwrote a letter and gave it to a teammate to pass on like a fucking coward.”
“What did the letter say?”
