“Charlie,” she said, suddenly arrested by a thought, “doyouhave children other than Charles?”
“Claudia!”He was obviously embarrassed. “That isnota question a lady asks a gentleman.”
“Youdo,” she said. “You do have others. Don’t you?”
“I will not answer that,” he said. “Really, Claudia, you always spoke your mind far more freely than you ought. It is one thing I always admired about you—and still do. But there are bounds—”
“You havechildren!” she said. “Do you love them and care for them?”
He laughed suddenly and shook his head ruefully.
“You are impossible!” he told her. “I am a gentleman, Claudia. I do what a gentleman must do.”
The poor dead duchess, Claudia thought. For, unlike Lizzie, Charlie’s illegitimate children must have been begotten when he was already married. How many were there? she wondered. And what sort of lives did they lead? But she could not ask. It was something some sort of gentleman’s code of honor forbade him to speak of with a lady.
“This has all rather spoiled the atmosphere I hoped to create this morning,” he said with a sigh. “The anniversary is today, Claudia. Tomorrow or the next day at the latest I must leave. I am well aware that I am the only guest at Alvesley who does not have some claim to be family. I do not know when I will see you again.”
“We must write to each other,” she said.
“You know that is not good enough for me,” he told her.
She turned her head to look more fully at him. They were friends again, were they not? She had determinedly let go of the hurt of the past and allowed herself to like him again, even though there were things about him she did not particularly approve of. Surely he was not still—
“Claudia,” he said, “I want you to marry me. I love you, and I think you are fonder of me than you will admit. Tell me now that you will marry me, and tonight’s ball will seem like heaven. I will not have an announcement made there, I suppose, since it is in honor of the Redfields and besides, neither of us has any close bond with the family. But we will be able to let it be known informally. I will be the happiest of men. That is a horrible cliché, I know, but it would be true nonetheless. What do you say?”
She had nothing to say for several moments. She had been taken completely by surprise—again. What had obviously been a deepening romance to him had been merely a growing friendship to her. And today of all days she was not ready to cope with this.
“Charlie,” she said eventually, “I do not love you.”
There was a lengthy, uncomfortable silence. They had almost stopped walking. There was a boat pushing out from the bank some distance away, she saw—the Marquess of Attingsborough with Lizzie. She was smitten with a memory of his rowing her on the River Thames during Mrs. Corbette-Hythe’s garden party. But she must not let her thoughts wander. She looked back at Charlie.
“You have said the one thing,” he told her, “against which I have no argument. You loved me once, Claudia. Youmadelove with me. Do you not remember?”
She closed her eyes briefly. Actually she could not remember much apart from the inexpert fumblings and the pain and the happy conviction afterward that now they belonged together for all time.
“It was a long time ago,” she said gently. “We are different people now, Charlie. I am fond of you, but—”
“Damn your fondness,” he said, and smiled ruefully at her. “And damn you. And now accept my humblest apologies for using such atrocious language in your hearing.”
“But not for the atrocious sentiments?”
“No,” he said, “not for those. My punishment is to be lifelong, then, is it?”
“Oh, Charlie,” she said, “this is not punishment. I forgave you when you asked. But—”
“Marry me anyway,” he said, “and to the devil with love. Youdolove me anyway. I am sure of it.”
“As a friend,” she said.
“Ouch!” He frowned. “Think about it. Think long and hard. And I’ll ask again this evening. After that I will not pester you. Promise me you will think and try to change your mind?”
She sighed and shook her head.
“I will not change my mind between now and tonight,” she said. “It is too late for us, Charlie.”
“Think hard about it anyway,” he said. “I will ask again tonight. Dance the opening set with me.”
“Very well,” she said.
