“Well, well,” Elodie purrs, sliding into the empty chair with the satisfied swagger of a gossip columnist who’s discovered the story of the century. Her hair looks like she’s been through a wind tunnel, her lipstick is slightly smudged, and there’s a glow about her that suggests she’s been engaging in activities that would make fitness instructors jealous.
“Let me guess,” I say, taking in her disheveled but triumphant appearance. “You’ve been conducting more therapeutic research?”
“Oh honey, I’ve been doing research, all right.” She fans herself with a napkin, her eyes sparkling with the kind of mischief that usually precedes international incidents. Hers are much more colorful than Nettie’s. “And I just discovered the juiciest, naughtiest secret I’ve heard in a very long time—and it happens to be about that Crimson Key Society you’re investigating.”
I lean forward, my amateur sleuth instincts perking up like a bloodhound catching a scent. “What kind of secret?”
Ransom’s grip on my hand tightens, and I can practically see his security training kicking into high gear.
Elodie glances around the café, making sure we’re not being overheard by the couple arguing over the last piece of Black Forest cake or the woman who appears to be having an affair with the chocolate fountain. Again, ugh. That thing is going to haunt me in my dreams.
“Trixie, darling, those progressive relationship seminars Lavender was hosting?” She leans in closer, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “They’re not just about expanding emotional boundaries and conscious uncoupling.”
“What are you talking about?”
Elodie’s grin could power the ship’s navigation system. “They’re swingers.”
Ransom’s growl is so low and dangerous it could register on seismic equipment.
The revelation hangs in the perfumed air like smoke over a crime scene, and suddenly every romantic decoration in the Blue Water Café feels like evidence in a case that just got a whole lot morecomplicated.
When love is in the air and inhibitions are checked at the cabin door, murder isn’t the only thing that can get messy.
CHAPTER 12
Suddenly Hitched—What a Trip!
Hello, Trixie!
I’m taking my first Valentine’s cruise, and I’m completely overwhelmed by what to pack! Everyone keeps giving me conflicting advice—formal wear for every night versus casual everything, winter coats for Europe versus summer dresses for deck parties. I’ve already packed and repacked my suitcase four times, and I still feel like I’m missing something crucial. What are the absolute must-haves for a romantic cruise, and more importantly, what can I leave at home? Help me pack like a seasoned cruiser instead of a panicked first-timer!
Overpacked and Overwhelmed
Dear Overpacked and Overwhelmed,
Oh honey, I feel your pain! I once brought enough evening wear to outfit a small Broadway production and somehow forgot to pack a single pair of pajamas—try explaining to room service why you’re answering the door in a sequined ball gown at seven A.M. looking like Cinderella’s hungover stepsister. Let me share the wisdom I’ve earned through spectacular packing disasters.
MUST PACK: One knockout dress that makes you feel like agoddess (for formal nights), comfortable walking shoes (your feet will thank you in every port), a light jacket (ships get chilly at night, and hypothermia isn’t romantic), and twice as many undergarments as you think you need because laundry service costs more than your mortgage. Don’t forget a small day bag for excursions and something cozy for breakfast on your balcony.
SKIP: Half your shoes (you’ll wear the same three pairs while the other seventeen mock you from your closet), every piece of jewelry you own (one versatile set will do—this isn’t the Met Gala), and that “just in case” formal wear you’ll never touch but will spend the entire cruise feeling guilty about not wearing.
GENIUS TIP: Pack one completely ridiculous accessory—feathered headband, sparkly tiara, whatever makes you smile. Cruise ships are where normal rules don’t apply and dignity goes to die anyway, so you might as well lean into it!
Most importantly? The ship has shops if you forget something crucial. Relax, enjoy the adventure, and remember that confidence is your best outfit—even if you’re wearing yesterday’s mascara!
XOXO Trixie
P.S. Always pack one emergency chocolate stash. Trust me on this! When you’re trapped on a floating city with thousands of strangers and your cabin mate snores like a freight train, chocolate becomes a food group.
Day 4: At Sea
The gentle humof the ship’s engines mingles with the splash of pool water and the delighted squeals of passengers as theEmerald Queencuts through glorious walls of teal water that shimmer like liquid gemstones under an actual appearance by the sun, which seems just as surprised to be here as the rest of us.
The scent of coconut sunscreen battles with the aroma of grilled burgers from the poolside café, while Valentine’s Day decorations flutter in the sea breeze like romantic surrender flags.
It’s day four of our ten-day adventure, and it just so happens to be a day at sea. The ship bustles with the kind of manic energy that onlycomes from trapping thousands of people on a floating city with unlimited buffets and enforced fun.
The atmosphere thrums with the kind of manic energy that only comes from combining caffeine, sunburn, and the collective realization that you’re wearing a bathing suit in public for the first time since the Clinton administration.
