CHAPTER 1
Suddenly Hitched—What a Trip!
Hey there, mystery-loving readers!
Ready to join me aboard theEmerald Queenfor the most romantic—and potentially deadly—Valentine’s Day cruise ever? I’ve packed my killer heels, my heart-shaped sunglasses, and enough chocolate reserves to survive whatever romantic chaos awaits! From the cliffs of Ireland to the lights of Paris, I’m determined to soak up every drop of Valentine’s magic—along with plenty of champagne and those divine little cream puffs that make life worth living.
Here’s to love, laughter, and hopefully keeping the body count to a minimum this time around. Though I have a sinking feeling that love might literally be murder on this voyage.
XOXO Trixie
Emerald Queenof the Seas,Royal Lineage Cruise Lines
Itinerary
10-DAY CRUISE
Day 1: Departure from Greenwich, England
Day 2: At Sea
Day 3: Portland, England (StonehengeExcursion)
Day 4: At Sea
Day 5: Cobh, Ireland (Blarney Castle Excursion)
Day 6: At Sea
Day 7: At Sea
Day 8: Le Havre, France (Paris/Normandy Excursion)
Day 9: At Sea (Valentine’s Day)
Day 10: Return to Greenwich, England
Day 1: Departure from Greenwich, England
“Valentine’s Dayis a capitalist conspiracy to make everyone feel like failures at love while emptying their wallets,” Bess Chatterley announces as she adjusts her crimson wool coat right here in the elegant atrium of theEmerald Queen of the Seas.
And honestly? I can’t argue with her logic, even though I’m currently floating on cloud nine in my newlywed bubble—which, according to Bess, should pop any day now like a cheap party balloon.
It’s the first day of yet another cruise here on the gloriousEmerald Queen of the Seas, and Bess, Nettie, and I are standing at the mouth of the gangway, greeting giddy passengers along with a few crew members who look more than happy to deal with a little Valentine’s drama.
“Oh, come on, Bess!” I say, bouncing with a laugh. “You’re being way too practical. Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love, the one thing that makes the world go round.”
“Celebrating love?” Bess scoffs, watching a couple stumble aboard wearing matchingHis QueenandHer Kingsweatshirts that probably have Bess twitching to stage an intervention. “More like celebrating the markup on roses and dinner reservations. I bet those two paid triple for those monstrosities just because their tacky outfits have hearts on them.”
“At least someone is making money off romance,” Nettie chimes in, adjusting her heart-shaped sunglasses as if to prove a point. “I’ve been investing in love for eighty-plus years and I’m still waiting for my dividends!”
I can’t help but snort. “Nettie, your approach to love is like day trading—high risk, frequent transactions, and you never quite know when the market’s going to crash.”
“Your dividends?” Bess raises an eyebrow while gesturing toward a man boarding with a bouquet so large it looks like he robbed a funeral home. “Nettie, you’ve been married more times than Elizabeth Taylor had facelifts.”
“Exactly! I’m a repeat customer, which means I believe in the product,” Nettie shoots back, straightening her hot pink sweater that readsSingle and Ready to Jinglein rhinestone letters that could blind the dead. “You, on the other hand, are like a restaurant critic who’s never actually eaten the food—just complained about the menu prices.”
“I’ve eaten plenty,” Bess mutters, watching another couple board with tattered luggage that screamswe spent our mortgage payment on this cruise. “And most of it gave me indigestion.”
