“My bad for getting so deep on you, Rim.”
“Can I ask what she did that finally made you let her go?”
“To be honest, it wasn’t one thing. Shit, I woke up one day and I was over all of it. I was getting flashes of my childhood while looking at the woman I thought I wanted to spend my life with. Not the physical abuse, but the manipulation and use of love as a weapon. I realized it wasn’t love at all, but instead some form of survival, and I was only comfortable with it because it’s all I had ever known.”
“That’s around the time you came here, right?”
“A lil while before.”
I nodded, then looked out of the window. I knew Reminisce, but this moment right here helped me understand more about him than the tit for tat we did ever would. He wasn’t damaged,he was carrying around heavy trauma that made emotionally unavailable.
“Yo, you late as fuck. Where you been?” Aroyal asked as soon as I entered my mama’s living room.
“Minding my grown ass business, Aro. You should try it.” I waved him off and moved in the direction of my mama. She was in the kitchen with Kay and Krisis.
Bry’s chuckle filled the space as he exited the kitchen with a plate and bowl in his hand. “Stop doing my boy like that, you know it’s better to tell him what you up to now rather than him finding out later on.”
I mugged Brysheer and Aroyal. “I’m fine, and if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t tell either one of y’all.”
Aro grunted. “I’ll find out sooner or later, but if you’re saying you good, then I’ma let you be.”
I didn’t even respond; I just moved into the kitchen. To my shock, it was just Krisis and Kay.
“Ariya called,” Kay said, letting me know in the door that my mother had stepped away to basically baby my older sister who refused to get her life together and be an adult.
I nodded.
“What are y’all cooking?” I looked from sister-in-law to sister-in-law before I took a seat at the table. They were used to me not helping but showing up. It was sorta my thing because I absolutely hated cooking even though I could.
“So you gonna tell us or leave us in suspense?” Kay asked, making me glance in her direction.
I chuckled dryly. “What is there to tell? I can’t seem to stay away from the most emotionally unavailable man on earth. Like,I know I should stay away from him, but I can’t. He needs me and I’ma come running.”
“Maybe that’s the problem.” Krisis looked up from the meat she was cutting at me.
“It is. Then I can’t only blame him. Turo did a number on me. I feel like I don’t know how to be with anyone after that mess with him.”
“So both of you are playing games?”
I shook my head. “That’s just it. No games, it’s like he says the right things but there is never action. The last time he told me he wanted me, he disappeared for months after. He isn’t the type to stay still long.”
“Hold up, you met the male version of you?” Krisis asked, making us all laugh.
“I absolutely hate y’all.”
“Don’t hate us, just stop carrying what one man did with you to the next. Trust me when I say it’s hard to give chances. But you’ll find yourself carrying less of that trauma,” Krisis said.
“So maybe your friend is following your lead. He said he wanted you, but you know how you are. You’re Aroyal’s sister, so I know how strong those genes are. You’re probably giving different signals, sis.”
“So I should ki?—”
“Oh, there is my baby.” My mama’s voice made me look up from the table. I was on my feet quickly, moving toward her. “You’re late.” She pulled me into a hug.
“I’m sorry, I was helping a friend.”
“¿Este amigo es una mujer o un hombre?”Is this friend a woman or a man?
“Why does it matter? Still a friend.” I sighed, knowing my mother only asked because she cared and hated that I was alone. The fact that I was so comfortable being alone bothered her because she hated being alone. That was why she always had mynieces and nephews and threw this dinner twice a week at the least. She acted unbothered about my father being AWOL, but we knew she was. I loved my mother dearly, but unlike Aroyal, I felt she knew more about our father’s extracurricular activities. She just didn’t say anything because she was comfortable and didn’t want to be alone. My problem was I’d rather be alone than ever settling for what didn’t fill me. If Reminisce was that, then let him be, but if not, I prayed to the lord that he just left me alone so I could finally get over what never was.
