I pulled my arms above my head after setting my phone on the treadmill. Goddess, who was I kidding? Not me.
Chapter Eleven
Ripley
Despite my cowardly exit from the best evening I’d had in years, I slept like a baby. I didn’t deserve it, but maybe the Goddess had pity on me. After all, I’d met my fated mate only to have to turn my back on him. His joyful soul belonged with someone who could share his love of Christmas and all it meant. Once, I’d loved it too. In fact, the day my twin died, we’d been having the best Christmas ever, with lots of extended family and friends there to celebrate. And then, well, then it happened. Lying in bed, in that ridiculously festive guest room, the impossibility of being with Jude was so huge, it occupied my entire mind. Filled the space. Sucked up all the air.
I had to make it through the rest of the week without doing something we’d both regret. I’d always believed Fate and the Goddess knew what they were doing when it came to matings, but somebody must have made a typo on the paperwork where we wereconcerned. Jude’s mate would be someone who shared his joy in life, in the holidays, in everything. When he spoke to me, I could almost remember how special Christmas had been to me, once.
But no sense in lying here all day. Jude had probably prepared breakfast and might be waiting for me to eat it with him. If he still wanted anything to do with me after what I did last night. Kiss and run. Honestly. Could I have been more immature? An alpha not only had to be prepared to take charge of any situation, they needed to be emotionally stable for their omega. And, as my behavior showed, I was anything but.
With that in mind, I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and climbed into the blessedly undecorated shower for another break from red and green and gold and silver. I hoped I wasn’t using too much hot water, or maybe even water in general. Was this cabin on city water? A well? It might even have a tank or something.
I’d have to ask, but for now, I soaped up and rinsed off as quickly as possible then dried off. Thebathroom was cooler than the day before, likely because the fire had been banked for the night, but when I emerged into the living room again, the flames leapt in the fireplace. Jude was up then, and had added a log and stirred it to life. In the kitchen, a slow cooker held oatmeal, and a cooling rack of scones with glaze drizzled over them were ready to devour. Jude had been up for quite a while, it seemed.
Had he had trouble sleeping? Because of me? I certainly hoped not. If only I could leave, get out of his hair before I ruined his peaceful idyll. Jude had told me how he enjoyed this little break between orders, when he’d finished off the holiday goodies and before the next orders came in. And along came me, to eat all his food and be grumpy at his favorite time of the year.
The scones smelled incredible. Maybe cranberry-orange? And the oatmeal was bubbling with that pleasingbloop bloopsound that I hadn’t heard in a very long time. In fact, I hadn’t had oatmeal that didn’t come in an envelope since leaving home.
Coffee was perking and the scent of bacon emerged from the oven, but of the omega, there was nosign. Was he avoiding me? I’d been pretty awful the night before. We had such a beautiful evening, and I ended it by running away with no explanation.
Maybe he and his wolf went for a run? I opened the back door and looked out, but there were no footprints in the snow or other signs. Same for the front…nothing. His bedroom door stood open as did the door to the en suite to the left of his bed. As I’d suspected, his bedroom was also decorated to about the same level as the guest room. The omega really did need someone he could deck the halls with.
But I needed to apologize, and find some way that we could manage for the next several days until I could leave him to his happy, peaceful life. Did he also know we were mates? He hadn’t said anything, but was it possible he could have been spared the loss I would experience the rest of my life?
An overwhelming grief, separate from the one that had haunted me, overtook me as I tried to think where else he could have gone. And then I heard sounds from overhead and remembered he had an office orworkshop or something in the loft above. He must be up there. But he had to come down to eat, didn’t he?
I should wait until he did and not disturb his privacy, but instead, I found myself climbing the stairs. Apologizing couldn’t wait. It could, but I couldn’t.
The loft was bigger than I’d pictured with a desk and chair, a love seat, and, facing the big windows at the front, a treadmill currently occupied by the omega. Going very fast, running, puffing, and pumping his arms in front of him.
“Jude, I need to—oh hell.”
He stumbled and flew backward. Right into my arms, taking us both to the floor.
“Oof!” I had the air socked out of me, but at least I’d protected Jude from landing on the hardwood surface. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry? I’m the one who landed on you. I know better than to run on that thing without holding on.”
“I startled you.”
“Still no excuse.” He lay there a moment atop me before rolling to hands and knees beside me andpushing to his feet. Jude held out a hand. “Let me help you up.”
I took his hand, wincing at the sense of connection. Leaving him was going to be so hard. “Thanks.” When I was on my feet, I said, “Sorry about last night. I’ll leave this morning and not bother you.”
“You can’t…snowed in.”
Chapter Twelve
Jude
The only reason my fated mate was still here was because of the weather—the snow.
A humbling fact, but one I had to face.
That wasn’t the worst part. I was a big boy. I could face facts.
What was hard for me was the silence. In this house alone, I expected it. Welcomed it. Embraced it.
