Chapter One
Ripley
The holidays had been my favorite time of year once upon a time. Starting with Halloween, I decorated, dressed up, shopped, attended parties and parades, and even snuck into the mall for a peek at Santa. It was a big deal. All it took was one Christmas day, one vacation, one tragedy to take all that away from me.
Now, I tolerated the holidays because of my family, but that was it. Christmas and I were on civil terms at best. It went on without me. Presents. Caroling. Jingle the fucking bells. All the while, I preferred to lock myself away in my house, closing the curtains to the holiday, closing myself off from the world. It shielded me somewhat from the pain of the season, but it also shut me away from the world.
All I felt was pain and loneliness. Loneliness for the one I’d lost, but also loneliness from the omega I would never have. Omegas loved Christmas andholidays, and those were the exact times I cut off the world and became intolerable.
“Rip?” My brother Royal waved his hands in front of my face. It was a few days before Christmas and while they were cheerful and having a good time, I was plotting my exit.
“Yeah?” I said, forcing a smile and a laugh. “What?”
“Jason was asking his uncle what Santa was bringing him for Christmas.” Royal’s eyes went wide, begging me to play along for his son. Begging me to be someone I wasn’t. I loved my family, but sometimes I wished they would just let me be who I was.
“Oh!” I got up, doing the happy Christmas uncle thing as best I could. I was happy Royal and his family got to experience the joy of the season. Jason got to be a kid and never really knew the tragedy that had stricken our family—at least, he wouldn’t know as a child. “Santa is bringing me coal because I’m astick-in-the-mud!”
I ran over to the kid and tickled his sides. “No way! Santa only brings coal to meanies. You’re not a meanie, Uncle Rip.”
“What do you think I want for Christmas?” I asked. “I want to hear your guesses.”
“A deer,” he said, giggling. Jason knew we were wolves. “No, a pig.”
“Maybe for dinner. I guess I’ll have to be happy with coal.” I shrugged and felt Royal’s eyes on me. He stared. He always stared. They wanted to assess me every second to see if all my pieces were still glued together.
They said I should move on. That I should’ve moved on by now, but how could I get over the greatest loss of my life.
Even my therapist encouraged me to leave the past in the past. But how could I when it stared me in the face every damned day?
“When are you leaving?” Royal asked, standing next to his mate, Laura. They had a wonderful family, and I came up to spend some time with them during the holiday, but staying for the actual days was out of thequestion. Those days were for lamenting and…well, drinking the time away.
It was the only time of the year I drank alcohol, but it did the trick.
“After breakfast,” I said, taking a platter of biscuits from Laura. She made the best blueberry biscuits I’d ever tasted and, if I knew her, which I did, I would be taking some home with me. The thing was, they wouldn’t make it home. I usually ate them on the drive.
“Are you sure you can’t stay this year?” My brother begged a bit, but it was better for him this way, for the kids, for his mate, for everyone.
“I’m sure. I’m already packed up.”
We didn’t talk about me leaving again through breakfast. Laura had gone all out. Vegetable omelets filled with bubbling cheese. The biscuits, of course. And an apple cobbler. She insisted that breakfast have dessert, too, and since we had shifter metabolisms, I agreedwholeheartedly.
With a full belly, I packed up my car and checked all the gauges and fluids, making sure I wouldn’t break down on the way home. I had plans.
“Thank you for coming.” Laura hugged me, and so did Jason, and his little chin quivered a bit.
“None of that, big man. Maybe next time I see you, you’ll shift for me. We can all run together. I bet I’ll beat you in a race.”
“Nuh-uh. I’ll beat you anytime.”
Next was Royal. We hugged for more than five Mississippis before he let me go, only to grab onto my shoulders. “I’ll see you on your birthday, okay?”
He said it like he didn’t expect me to make it to my next birthday. “Of course. See you then.”
A couple more waves and I was on the road. I plugged in the Bluetooth, since the radio stations were overrun with lively Christmas tunes that I didn’t want to hear.
All I wanted was to make it to my house and shut out the world.
Chapter Two
