Collapsing down the door, holding my head in my hands, I let the tears fall until I’m ugly sobbing by myself in my office.
A soft knock comes from the other side. “Jules. It’s just me. I just want to check on you.”
“I’m fine.” I sniffle. “I’ll be back out in a minute.”
“Are you sure?”
“Promise. I just… need a few.” I try to make my voice sound steadier than it is, steadier than I feel.
“You get five before I bust open this door.” I listen as her footsteps grow further away.
Standing, I walk into the bathroom off my office. Staring at myself in the mirror, I see the puffy red-rimmed eyes looking back at me.
I can’t stop asking myself how we got here. How it got this bad. But the truth is, I don’t actually want to leave Calvin. I love him. He’s been mine since middle school. We’ve grown up together. And it fucking kills me to be here without him in my corner, because he’s always the one who soothes my hurt.
What am I supposed to do when he’s the one causing it?
Splashing some cold water on my face, I re-do my mascara and head back out to the bar. Thank God it’s the middle of the week and it won’t be too busy.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket.
Hubs:I don’t know what to do.
Me:I’ve told you. A hundred times. I don’t know what else to do.
Hubs:I don’t want this. I want you.
Me:And I want the man I fell in love with.
I watch the three dots appear, then disappear. This happens a few times before they go away completely. Disappointment courses through me, I don’t know why I expected more.
Dakota eyes me as I make my way around the room, greeting the regulars as they finish from the dinner rush.
She walks down to meet me when I come back behind the bar. “I can handle it on my own tonight. Don’t feel like you have to make a point by staying.”
“I do have a point to make. That this was my choice and I’m fine. It’s a small town. We’ll be the front page gossip tomorrow and I don’t want anyone sayingOh, poor Juliette, Calvin kicked her out and now she’s living in her bar.This was my choice. I left. I deserve better,” I whisper closely to her ear. Just because I know it’ll be news tomorrow doesn’t mean I need to be the reporter.
My phone finally vibrates.
Hubs: > I know I’ve messed up. But I’m going to show you that this time is different, I’ll be different. I love you so much, you’re my entire world.
My heart flutters reading the words, but I’m scared it’s just more platitudes he’ll fail to deliver on.
“Jules! I need a new keg.” I shove my phone back in my pocket and run off to help Dakota with the keg.
For a Wednesday night we are busier than usual and I haven’t had a moment to breathe until now, at half an hour before closing. It’s been nice to shut my brain off and not dwell on the current situation. But it’s this time of night that I’m usually calling Calvin to say goodnight. We are ships passing in the night usually and this phone call is the only time I get him to myself. But lately, he’s been missing them more than he’s been answering them.
The front doors open, and a very agitated man walks through the door with a very large bouquet of flowers. The greenery spraying out of the vase is wider than the man himself.
He stalks toward the bar. “I’ve got a delivery, Juliette Davies.”
“That’s me.” I push myself off the bar, where I was leaning, so he has room to put the flowers down. “Thank you so much.”
He hands me a card without saying anything else and stalks out of the bar.
Ripping open the card, I see a letter from Calvin.
My Love,
