“I’m trying. I really am. I just… I’m so fucking lost.” I don’t know why I’m admitting that to her.
“I know, baby. You’ll get there. You want some advice from an old woman?”
“Yes. I want all the advice.”
“Keep her in mind. Everything you do for her, make sure it’s for her, not something to make yourself look good. Improve her life and she’ll improve yours. Your spouse shouldn’t detract from your life.”
Keep her in mind.I can do that. Maybe.Hopefully.
“Here. Take this for her. She ate pizza and ice cream last night so she needs healthy food to fuel her this morning. And take this,” she hands me a chocolate muffin. “Because everyone needs a little sweet to start their day.”
“Thanks, Ms. Patti.” I take the items and walk back to my truck like a zombie. I want to sleep more than anything else right now.
The house is still and quiet when I get back. Juliette must still be sleeping. I put the overnight oats from Ms. Patti into the refrigerator and add a note to the muffin.
Jules,
There’s breakfast in the refrigerator. And a muffin.
I love you.
-Cal
I kick off my sneakers, and notice a small pile of sand in the middle of the floor when I pick them up. Closing my eyes and sucking in a deep breath I let the memory of the dirty boots sink in.
I really just fucking want to sleep. But I know what I need to do.
Keep her in mind.
Letting out my breath, I walk my shoes to the mat by the front door and stop to grab the broom out of the closet on the way back to the kitchen. I sweep up the kitchen floor, becauseI’m already here, and I walked all over so there’s probably sand everywhere.
Getting all of it into a nice neat pile I’m bent over sweeping it into the dustpan when I hear footsteps on the stairs.
They stop in the living room and my skin prickles. I can feel her eyes on me.
“What are you doing?”
I don’t answer, but walk over to the trash to dump my pile. “I fucked up. Again. I forgot to take off my shoes. So I just had to clean it up.”
It must be the exhaustion, but frustration is seeping into my bones. I don’t want to hear how I fucked up again right now.
Walking by her I put the broom back in the closet. Leaning over, I kiss her on the forehead. “There’s breakfast for you in the refrigerator.” Without another word I walk up the stairs and straight into the shower.
A hot shower, then a nap. That’s all I need.
I watch my deflated husband trudge his body up the stairs. He’s filthy, disheveled, and sounds so despondent with his quiet flat tone.
I did that to him.
The thought alone brings a fresh wave of tears to my eyes.
Shuffling into the kitchen I find a fresh chocolate muffin with a note. I check the refrigerator and find a bowl of white chocolate raspberry overnight oats.
What the hell was he doing last night? An animal must have gotten out or had an emergency based on how he looks. Did he eat too?
I scoop out a spoonful of the oats and savor the taste. Ms. Patti does damn good.
No way he ate this. He’s more of an eggs and steak kind of guy. I dig out the leftover steak he has in here from the other nightand the eggs along with it. Combining all the ingredients in a bowl quickly, I then pour the mixture in a muffin pan, making him his own healthy breakfast of egg bites.
