“Hey, ladies,” Lexi swoons. She runs her hand through her dark hair, and she sticks out her chest.
“You going somewhere, Lex?” Selene asks.
“I’m getting food for my boyfriend,” she says while looking directly at me. “I can’t tell you who he is.” She giggles.
“This bullshit again,” I mutter under my breath.
“Oh?” Cori elbows me in the ribs. She gives me the side eye and moves closer to our unwanted guest. “Not even a little hint? We won’t tell.” Cori puts a hand to her lips and makes a shushing sound.
Lexi looks around as if she’s ensuring that we are alone. Then she gestures for us to come closer. Cori and Selene do, but I don’t move an inch. Not until Selene takes my wrist and pulls forward.
“I can’t say his name, but I can tell you he’s a freak.” She puts a hand on her hip and juts it out. “You three wouldn’t be able to handle it, so I probably shouldn’t say anymore.”
“What do you mean we can’t handle it?” Cori asks.
Lexi gestures at us. “I mean, sheriff’s, mayor’s, and preacher’s daughters. It’s so cliché,” Lexi huffs.
I open my mouth to speak, but Cori widens her eyes at me, and I know she’s telling me to shut up. Lexi is the type of girl who will talk just because she likes to be the center of attention.
“Well, we can’t all be as sophisticated as you,” Cori says. “You slay in that dress, girl.” Cori offers her a high five, and Lexi does a dramatic spin.
I can tell Selene is doing everything in her power not to laugh.
“You sure can’t,” Lexi says with a fake laugh. “And it’s not your typical stuff. You three are probably used to missionary.”
“Well, tell us,” Selene says. “You don’t have to name names.”
Lexi pretends to look around again, and I put on an award-winning performance of not being completely bored with whatever this is.
“You know the whole adage that if he has big feet, he’ll have a big dong?” Lexi asks.
“Who the hell says dong?” I ask.
Selene elbows me in the ribs.
“My man is huge. Tall.” Lexi lifts her hand way above her head and stands on her tiptoes to demonstrate. When she moves closer to us, we form a huddle. “But he has a micro-penis.”
Selene starts to cough uncontrollably. She has both hands on her knees while she tries to get herself together. I whack her on the back, but she continues to cough.
“A what?” Cori asks.
“A micro-penis.” Lexi raises her hand and lifts her pinky. “It’s smaller than this. And he likes to dress up like a woman so we can role-play. He makes me wear a strap-on, but I don’t shove it up his ass.”
Selene’s cough resumes.
“You don’t?” Cori fishes.
“No. He wants me to slap him on the ass with it and call him a bad girl,” she whispers.
“A bad girl? The big, huge guy with the micro-penis wants you to call him a girl?” Cori side-eyes Selene, who is laughing so loud and hard that she has to hold her stomach.
“Yes, and he wears a big, floral muumuu and puts his hair in pigtails.”
We all stare at each other. Selene gives us her back and continues to laugh.
“That’s something,” Cori says.
“When it’s over, he licks my boots and tells me he’s sorry,” Lexi says.
