I sit up, reaching for her hand, but she yanks it away before I can make contact. There’s nothing I can tell her that will make her see me as any less of a monster that I am.
“At first, it was because I wanted to know what you were planning for me after the trial. Then it became an obsession that turned into a need to keep you safe.”
“That wasn’t your choice,” she fires back, trembling with something deeper than rage. “You had no right.”
“No, I did not. I am a bastard, Fiona, but I’m a bastard who loves you.” When I cup her cheek, she flinches, and it guts me. “We can go and get it removed tomorrow. I swear to you, I will not do that to you anymore.”
She says nothing, just gapes at me like the walls of her world are tilting sideways. I’m tearing down everything she thought she knew.
“There is something else.” I force the words out. “That night when you were attacked in your home. That man who broke in…”
Her head snaps toward me, a palm splaying over her chest. “Please tell me you didn’t send him.”
“No.” I grab her hand in an instant, kissing the pads of her fingers with unflinching desperation. “I could never bring myself to do that.”
A pause swells between us.
“I was the one who got rid of him.”
Confusion flashes across her features. “What are you talking about?”
“The man who tried to take you. He wasn’t random. He was an enforcer for a rival Russian Mafia family. I was following him because I did not trust him after a business meeting he had with my family. I didn’t know it would lead to you, and I didn’t even know who you were.”
She shifts at that, her grip on my hand tightening just a fraction, a tremor running through her fingers.
“When I found you on the floor…” My jaw locks. “Something in me snapped. So I killed him.”
Silence swallows the room whole for a few seconds.
“I…I don’t know what to say.” Her lips quiver, and she still lets me hold her hand.
“I know, detka. It’s a lot.” My arm winds around her. “Once we got together, I did not tell you because I didn’t want to cause you more pain. I thought it would be easier this way, but I was wrong. I promised you honesty, and I plan to keep that promise.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose. “I don’t want to hear any more tonight. I, uh…this is too much.”
“Alright.” My arm tightens around her. “Tomorrow, next week, whenever you are ready. You tell me when. You tell me what you need. For now, just let me hold you.”
I give her the chance to push me away, but she doesn’t. Instead, she lies back down, pulling the blanket up, facing away from me.
I ease in behind her close enough to feel the warmth of her body, grateful that she’s still here with me, which is less than I deserve.
FIONA
It’s been hours, but sleep doesn’t come. I stay on my back, staring at the ceiling like if I look long enough, it might change everything. Aleksei lies beside me, his breaths slow and steady, like he hasn’t just shattered everything all over again.
And maybe that’s the difference between us. He’s learned how to live with the chaos, while I’m still drowning in it.
I can’t stop thinking about everything he confessed. I wanted the truth. I thought I was ready. But now that I have it, I don’t know what to do with it.
My fingers drift to the back of my neck. Even though I can’t feel it, I know it’s there, implanted in me without my consent.
Closing my eyes, I try to get some sleep, but it’s impossible. I want to scream. To tear this room apart. To demand something from him, but I don’t even know what.
The truth is, I’ve always known exactly who he is. He hasn’t changed. I have.
And that’s what makes this hurt even more. Because even now, after everything he’s done, I still love him.
Maybe that makes me weak. Or foolish. Or worse…
