It can’t.
I throw the gun at my reflection, and it shatters the mirror, just like the bottles scattered on the floor.
“Seven years of bad luck, Kash.”I hear her voice in my head, and I laugh at the thought.
I’ll be dead by noon. “Those seven years won’t matter, angel,” I say as if she’s here with me.
The urge to pick up the gun to try again is strong. But maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me I don’t deserve death.
I’ve been taking the enhancements. It was to live a long life with her. What if this is my punishment instead? A long and healthy life all alone with a hole in my heart that nothing or no one can fill.
Everett’s passed out, and I lie next to her in our bed, gently stroking her damp hair while she sleeps.
I’d never admit it to her, but I’m afraid to close my eyes. To miss a second of this—her in my arms. Last time I held her, we were covered in blood, and I begged her not to leave me.
That day I found her in the cathedral will haunt me for the rest of my life. Even in my dreams. I won’t be able to escape it.
I tried to kill myself in that motel room. Twice. What if I had succeeded? Why did I play Russian Roulette? Why didn’t I just fill the revolver and shoot myself? Not leave it to chance?
A knock comes on the bedroom door, and I frown, looking over my shoulder at it. I slowly remove my arm from underneath her and stand. Pulling on a pair of basketball shorts that are on the floor, I open the door to see Haidyn standing in the hallway.
He takes a quick look inside to see her covered up and fast asleep before his eyes meet mine. Holding out a box, he says, “Adam told Sin and Ryat where you had been hiding, and they went to collect your things.”
“Adam told them?” I ask slowly.
His jaw sharpens. “Yeah, apparently he knew the whole time.”
I figured that was the case, otherwise how would Eve have found me? Sure, we’d spent time at the bar and the motel, but she wouldn’t have known that was where I’d go to mourn her and kill myself. Missy probably ratted me out. She was the bartender working that night the bikers beat me up.
“Good shot, by the way. I would have blown the bastard’s knee out.” Haidyn grunts.
I take the open box from him and look down to see my gun, Zippo, cigarettes, and bullets rolling around freely, along with her wedding ring and cell phone. “Thanks.” All could have been replaced. When she was bleeding out, none of it mattered. I go to shut the door, but he stops it with his boot.
“What the fuck is this shit?” He reaches into his leather jacket and removes a folded piece of paper, and I know exactly what it is.
I go to grab it out of his hands, but he yanks it back.
“A suicide note?” He arches a dark brow. “You gave me a lecture about being suicidal, yet you wrote me and Saint a goddamn letter saying goodbye?” His eyes drop to the box still in my hand. “The single bullet that’s in your revolver tells me exactly what you were going to do.” He shakes the note as if to prove his point. “So don’t bother lying to me.”
I grind my teeth. “Yet here we both are.”
He’s right that I can’t lie to him. The evidence is damning. I couldn’t return here without her. We had been married for such a short time, but her smell lingered, her things cluttered the bathroom, and her clothes were in the closet. She had taken over my life just like I had known she would. It was either burn this place down or end what pathetic life I was forced to have without her.
“Yeah.” His eyes go to her once more before he nods to himself. “We’re both still here.”
“Good night, Haidyn.” I yank the letter from his hand and shut the door in his face.
Turning, I walk over to the trash can by the French doors that lead to the balcony and rip it multiple times before dropping the pieces into it, then turn around to get into bed only to come to a stop. Eve sits up in bed, her hair wild and eyes heavy as they stare at the evidence I just tried to destroy.
She runs a hand through her hair, pushing the bleached-blond strands from her face while yawning. “What are you doing up?” She eyes the darkly lit room as if there’s an answer to her question.
“I’m coming to bed, but you need to take your meds since you’re awake.” Devin dropped them off right after she fell asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake her.
“I don’t want them.”
“You’re taking them, or you go back to the hospital.” I go over to my nightstand and grab the pills and a bottle of water. “Take both.” I hand them to her, and she tosses the two pills into her mouth and then takes the water. “Good girl,” I tell her, and she rolls her eyes, handing me back the bottle of water.
I crawl into bed beside her, and she rolls onto her side to face me. She tries to hide her unease, but I see her flinch at the new position.
