I’m currently sitting on the end of the bed, elbows on my thighs and bent over, gripping my hair with my hands. I’m so tired. Who knew heartbreak would be so exhausting? It’s an inner battle that I just want to give up on.
A part of me has died, but for some reason I’m still breathing.
The pain. It’s crippling. I remember losing my mother, and it didn’t feel like this. Maybe it was because I knew my mother was better off. Whereas with Eve, I wanted to give her a better life. I wanted to be someone she’d be proud to call her husband.
“Whiskey Lullaby” by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss begins playing, and I jump up and rip that bitch from the fucking wall, snapping the cord and tossing it across the room as well.
Silence it is.
A knock comes at my door, and I don’t even bother to answer it. No one knows where I am, and if it was one of my brothers, they wouldn’t be fucking knocking.
“Sir?” The soft knock comes again.
I groan; it’s the bartender. Yanking the door open, she gasps, taking a step back. Her wide eyes look over my busted face, and then she leans to her left to get a view into my room. She scrunches her button nose at the smell that rolls out of the open door like a cloud of smoke.
“What?” I bark and she jumps again.
“I, uh…” She unzips her overly large coat to remove two bottles of whiskey. “I thought you could use these.” Her cheeks blush as she glances up to meet my stare. I’m pretty sure my right eye has swollen shut. The bastards didn’t kill me. Just beat the shit out of me and left me in the parking lot. I can’t catch a break.
Patting down my jeans, I find my wallet in my back pocket and hold it out to her. “Thanks.”
She averts her eyes to her dirty shoes and bites her bottom lip. “Oh, I don’t need…”
I rip the bottles from her hand, throw the wallet at her and step back, slamming the door shut in her face.
“Wait! What about your wallet?” she hollers from the other side of the door.
“Keep it.” I won’t need it.
I go over to the only dresser in the room and set the two bottles down. Then I sit on the end of the bed, taking a swig of the one I started on this morning. It’s almost gone.
The whiskey runs down my chin and onto my chest. Pulling it away, I toss the now empty bottle across the room, and it shatters into a million pieces against the wall before falling to the floor like the others before it.
A week I’ve been hiding in this run-down hole-in-the-wall motel out in the middle of nowhere.
No cell. No tracker. No connection to the outside world.
After I laid her in the ground, I had to get away. The “I’m sorry for your loss” wouldn’t change anything. She’s gone. Nothing I can do will bring her back.
I failed her. The one person that I was supposed to give my life for ended up giving hers for me. Before I left Carnage, Ty’s men informed me they still hadn’t found Evan. I’ve given up. The bastard won. He took my girl from me.
I went a little mad and killed some prisoners and then bolted. I found myself at that bar, and then after I got my ass kicked, I crawled to the motel next door and locked myself in room 111. Where I’ve been rotting away.
It felt right. This is where I belong. I spent so many nights following her here. Watching her kill men. If only she would have taken me with her.
I long to see her, hold her, and hear her voice one last time. The thought has me glancing at her phone on the nightstand. Adam, Bill, the wives…everyone has her number because she had become part of their lives. I’ve kept it off because I don’t want anyone to call looking for me, knowing I have it. But it can help me with one thing…
Getting up, I walk over to the side of the bed, plop down, and pick up the motel room phone, dialing her number.
Her voicemail picks up and I hold my breath.
“Hey, Kash,” comes her soft voice and a lump forms in my throat. I tried calling her several times when we were rushing to Barrington, but the moment her voicemail picked up, I ended the call.
“I wanted to leave you one last message. Just in case you thought to check.”
I slap my free hand over my mouth to quiet the sob so I can hear her speak.
“I’m sitting here at Barrington, looking over the empty school. I’m trying to get my thoughts together. I have to call you to say goodbye, and it breaks my heart. To leave you. But just in case it comes down to life and death, I choose to die for a cause. For you. I love you, Kashton. And if there’s a God, I thank him for sending me you. My biggest regret is running away that night on theIsabella. Not because of me, but because that’s six years you went without knowing you were loved. I took that from you and I’m sorry. I wish…” Her voice cracks, and I swallow nervously. “This is the only way I can repay you for loving me when everyone in my life always made me feel worthless. You gave me a purpose, and I’m honored to be your angel in this chaotic world.” She sniffs, and I close my eyes, hating that she’s hurting. “I have been at war with myself all my life. Until you…Kashton Landon Pierce, my Lord. You helped me find peace. And this is something that I could never repay you for. Your mother would be proud of the man you’ve become, Kash. And I’m lucky to have been loved by you.” She pauses, and I close my eyes when I hear her whisper, “I love you, Kash.”
