The planning. The arrangements. Thankfully, Janice and Charlotte helped me. The other wives did too, but they’ve stayed the closest. I think they can see I’m losing my mind. That I’ve lost my soulmate.
Soulmate?
Never in my life have I believed in that shit. Until Eve. Now she’s gone, and I’m supposed to move on with my life as if she never existed.
It’s a weird concept.
She wanted to be cremated. I had her placed in a casket.
She wanted her ashes to be spread in the cemetery behind the cathedral. I buried her in the cemetery at Carnage.
My wife hated flowers. I had the biggest arrangements I could get my hands on delivered for her funeral. I’ve never seen so many colors in one place in my life. She wasn’t the type of woman who liked pinks and purples, but Janice suggested colors. Said it was a way to celebrate life.
Eve hated her life. She was told for the longest time that she was useless. And in the end, we all die. Just like the flowers.
I stand in front of a fresh pile of dirt. My wife is buried underneath it while “Where I Left You” by HOLLOWFRAME plays. She hates silence, so I made her a playlist with over a hundred songs that’s set to repeat.
We laid her to rest over an hour ago, but I can’t seem to walk away. I don’t want to leave her out here alone.
I’m unable to say goodbye. It’s crazy how hard loving someone can be. I’ve always been afraid of being abandoned. I thought I’d lose my brothers and be left to this world all alone. But Eve? The loss of her is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
I’m physically here, my heart is beating,but I feel dead.
I’m going to leave instructions with Bill that she be dug up and my body laid with her. Some would find that unethical. I don’t give a fuck what others think of me. No one has to understand the type of love we have.
Even in death, I will hold my wife in my arms, because that’s where she felt safe and it’s where she belongs. We were supposed to be together forever, and I’m going to make sure that’s what we do.
I see movement out of the corner of my tear-filled eyes and sigh. “Go home, Easton,” I order hoarsely. I’m physically tired. Haven’t slept in days and mentally drained. I’ve been drugged and beaten before, and I feel weaker now than I ever have in my life.
“I’m where I need to be,” he says softly.
I refuse to let my loss take away from others. It’s shown me just how precious our time really is. That’s such a cliché, but it’s true. “Elli and the kids need you.”
“My wife is aware that a brother needs me more.”
Brother?It reminds me to tell Haidyn and Saint to make him a Spade brother. He’ll be my replacement.
After I watched her being lowered into the ground, I just wanted to be alone. I stood and thanked everyone for coming, but it was time for them to go. Then I saw all the guys huddled by the gates of Carnage, no doubt talking about who needed to babysit me. I guess Sin drew the short straw.
I know they’ve all started a group chat—even with Ty’s minions—without me in it.
Is he sleeping?
When did he eat last?
Has he left the morgue?
I spotted the texts when Haidyn was visiting Eve and offered to stay with her while I went and showered and got some rest. I declined his offer, but I did pry myself away from her long enough to sit in the corner while he told her goodbye.
It was like she was dying all over again. Watching him apologize for not being there for her. For what their father did to her. I hated to see my brother hurting, knowing it was my fault. Had she not been my wife, she wouldn’t have willingly walked into an ambush for me.
I’ve cost us everything.
His sister. My wife. Our future.
I fall to the ground and cross my legs as the song changes to “Lifetime” by Three Days Grace. Now I realize why Eve spent so many nights sitting at the grave of what she deemed to be her mother and baby. It’s just too hard to let go of what you could have had.
We were supposed to be together forever, and I’m going to make sure that’s what we do. The thought gives me an idea, and I glance up at Sin. “Can you help me with something?” Might as well give him something to report back to the others about.
