“The Lords. They want me to go crazy. They didn’t want you to marry me, so they made sure I would lose my mind so that you would have to lock me up in the basement at Carnage.”
I get up, stepping into her. “That’s not going to happen.”
It does make me wonder how far off she is. Haidyn thinks she’s suicidal, but Saint hasn’t voiced his opinion on that yet. Evan keeps sending us videos of her training at Dollhouse. Maybe they’ve planted doubts in my brothers’ minds so that when I refuse to enslave her, it’ll cause a fight. Separate us more than we have been lately. What connection does Evan have with the Lords? Why would they be on his side?
“Think about it…my assignment was pointless,” she states, and I frown. “Ididn’t have to kill anyone or prove myself. They just wanted to get inside my head.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but she’s not wrong. Assignments are usually to prove your loyalty. What’s the point of making her see me hurt her? What’s it got to do with loyalty to the Lords? Maybe they wanted her to be terrified of me? Walk away from me? I won’t ever let that happen.
“You’re the only person to ever pretend to love me,” comes her soft voice.
“I’m not pretending.” How could she think that? I knew she’d need more training than just kneeling in front of a mirror one time. She told me that she knew I loved her, and now she’s saying something different. It’s that doubt that creeps in when she remembers what she went through. “I do love you.”
She ignores my confession. “They want me to fear you. Taint your image in my mind. That’s why they had you take me to Dollhouse. Why my hallucination made me your offering.”
That…doesn’t make any sense. “An offering?” I repeat and she nods. “How so?”
She bites her bottom lip. “You tied me up…and let men line up to rape me. Said that the Lords wanted you to prove that I was useless.”
I’ve never told her she was useless because she can’t give me an heir. That was her mind playing tricks on her. Just like the Lords wanted.
“You gave them razor blades, and after you watched them rape me, they got to cut me.” She lowers her voice. “Anywhere but my face.”
My hands fist. “I would never?—”
“It doesn’t matter what you would or wouldn’t do,” she shouts, interrupting me. “All they needed was to plant the thought.” Huffing, she takes another drink. “I’ve literally puked at the idea of me and Evan, and that’s the part you played in my hallucination. Why, Kash?” she barks at me. “Why did I see you instead of him?”
“They wanted me to scare you,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Exactly.” She throws her arms out wide. “And they know I can’t give you kids.”
She’ll never get over the fact that she can’t get pregnant. “I don’t need children.” I thought we discussed this last night.
“Funny.” She snorts. “When we were hiding out at Blackout, you were ready to adopt as many kids as I wanted.”
I can’t win with this conversation, so I say nothing to that.
“But don’t you see?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it fucking matters,” she shouts.
I open my mouth, but before I can speak, my cell rings. She turns and picks it up off the nightstand. “It’s Saint.” She hands it out to me with a sigh.
Why the fuck is he calling me this late? I hit Answer. “What?” I growl. They know I’m away with her.
“The woman didn’t make it,” he says in greeting.
I give my wife my back and run a hand down my face, then hang up without even responding. What is there to say? I toss my phone into the chair in the corner.
“What did he have to say?” Eve asks.
I turn back to face her and see her standing there with her hands on her hips, waiting for my response. “The woman passed.”
Without a word, she turns, enters the en suite bathroom, and slams the door shut.
It’s time for another lesson. Another reminder that it doesn’t matter what she saw in her hallucination. This is her life now.
