“But they will force you to have children.”
“No—”
“Will you fuck other women?” I arch a brow.
He chuckles like my question was a joke. “Are you asking if I’m going to cheat on you? Of course not.”
I lick my lips. “What if they force you to?” He frowns, and I go on to explain. “What if they put a gun to my head and say in order for me to live, you have to fuck?—”
“Eve,” he interrupts my hypothetical situation. “We’re going to have a lot of issues in our marriage. Me fucking another woman isn’t going to be one of them.”
I yank my hands from his, crossing my arms over my chest. “What the hell does that mean?”
The smirk on his face tells me he thinks this is funny, which just pisses me off more. “It means you’re hardheaded, argumentative, and sometimes flat-out crazy, but the qualities that make me want to strangle you are also what make me love you.” He cups my face once more, that annoying smile still on his lips. “The Lords gave you an assignment, you completed your initiation. It’s over. Now it’s just you and me. Forever.”
I refuse to accept that I get to spend the rest of my life with this amazing man. Nothing good ever happens to me. “But you’re a Spade?—”
“So are you.”
I flinch at his words. I never have and never will claim that I came from a Spade brother—one of them. “For you, that means something. Not to me. I’m useless?—”
He wraps his hand around my throat, cutting off my words. His blue eyes darken, glaring down at me while he pushes my back against the wall. “Don’t ever say that,” Kashton orders. “You’re not useless, Eve. Do you understand me?”
I can’t answer him because it’ll be a lie, and we both know it. I can’t change how I feel. I’ve felt it all my life. “I…” I lick my lips. He holds my neck, patiently waiting for me to agree. “I have no purpose. Nothing to give you.” The words hurt worse than anything else I’ve ever been through. The pain I feel can’t be fixed by a doctor, alcohol, or medication. It’s an open wound that will never heal.
Lords are meant to serve, and I’m betraying them by killing their own. One day, I will be the confessional that they strip down and tie to their altar.
“You want a purpose?” he demands, and I swallow nervously against his hand still gripping my throat. “Huh? Is that what this is about, angel?”
I don’t answer because he won’t understand.
“I’ll give you purpose.”
My breath hitches as he pushes his body farther into mine, pinning me against the wall. I can feel him shaking with anger. I’ve never seen him this worked up before.
“I’m your purpose. You’ll serve me…your Lord.” He loosens his hold on my neck, but he doesn’t release it. His eyes soften as he goes on. “I’m going to vow my life to you, and you will vow yours to me. I’m going to take care of you. Do you understand that?”
“I understand,” I whisper.
Letting go of my neck, his eyes search my face when he continues. “I’ll make sure to remind you every day for the rest of our lives.” With that, he turns and exits the room.
I slump against the wall and bow my head.He’s my purpose.I can do that. I will be the best wife and devote my life to him.
FIFTY-NINE
KASHTON
My phone vibrates and I pull it out of my pocket, glancing at it.
SINNY: All ready.
ME: Thanks. Be there soon.
I stand on the balcony of the bedroom, looking over the calm ocean with a glass of scotch while she gets dressed, our conversation from an hour ago heavy on my mind.
“I saw you that night.”
She was here. Right in front of me and I missed her. Too busy hanging on another woman when the one of my dreams was in reach. How many times was she within arm’s length and I didn’t see her?
