“Nothing,” he lies. “I just need you to understand that I’m sorry for what I did.”
Fuck. Fuck. What the hell has happened? Who is this Charlotte anyway? We don’t know who this bitch is. I didn’t even know he had been fucking her. The Lords gave us a roster to choose from to get him help or else, so we picked her.
“Haidyn,” Saint snaps.
“Charlotte is at her house. I’ll send you the address.” He hangs up on me.
“Fuck,” Saint shouts. “What in the fuck is he doing?”
“I don’t know,” I snap defensively. “He’s been ignoring me too.”
My cell beeps with an incoming message from Haidyn with her address. “Let’s go.” I turn, and we race toward the elevator.
SEVEN
EVERETT
Iget out of the shower and wring out my hair with the towel while “DOPAMINE” by Kami Kehoe echoes off my bathroom walls. Then I run the soft material over my chest and stomach. When I get to my legs, I pause with my fingers hovering over my pussy.
I’ve never touched myself sexually, but the urge to do it is strong. It can only be for one reason—Kashton. I saw him standing in the parking lot when I left the motel. A part of me wanted him to burst into the room and watch me kill that guy.
It turned me on just like it did on theIsabella…when he fingered me while the man he killed lay on the floor. I’ve been able to push it to the back of my mind because of how disgusted I was with myself for letting him get me off that night.
Now, here he is again, making me feel things, and he hasn’t even spoken directly to me. I need to make sure I don’t let him get close.
I won’t be the woman they tried to train me to be. I have an entire box full of things taped shut in my closet that reminds me of who I once was, and it makes me physically ill to even think about opening it. The part of me that begged to be used.
I was in a dark place for a very long time, but I pulled myself out of that.
Dropping the towel, I place my hands on the counter and bow my head. Closing my eyes, I count to ten slowly while I take deep breaths. My pussy is wet, and my clit throbs with need.
“No,” I say out loud, as if that word matters. It doesn’t.
People are taken advantage of every day. Words are just that. You hear things likeShe was asking for it with the way she dressed,andShe shouldn’t have been showing it off, or the insaneShe never said no. Meanwhile, the woman was far too intoxicated to consent or too young to know what consent was.
If the Lords had their way, they would only produce men. The women would be locked in cages and only used for sex. I don’t think some of them doit to get off. It’s just the fact that they can hold you down and listen to you scream.
It’s all about power. The ones with the dicks get to control everything.
My virginity was taken when I was just fourteen by multiple men. Drugs were involved, but I didn’t willingly take them. No. Over the course of several hours, I was forced to become a woman.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’d say I’m glad they drugged me because I don’t remember much of it. Just the foggy pieces that float in the back of my mind.
The aftermath hit me the hardest, when the drugs wore off and I found myself sitting on the shower floor crying. Even if my body didn’t have a chance at fighting the drugs, I still hated myself. I cried so hard that I ended up making myself sick.
What once made me break, I’m now numb to. I’m not sure if that’s a flex or a sign that I need help. Either way, it’s a part of my life that I’ve spent years trying to block out.
It’s a reminder that I’ll never be her again. I’ve come too far to allow someone to make me feel helpless. Especially some Spade brother who wants to prove to himself he can have whatever he wants.
Lifting my head, I meet my stare in the mirror. No. I won’t be that woman again. I’ve gone years without sex; I can do this.
My cell beeps, and I look down to read the text that makes the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
We’ve got a problem.
It’s been almost a week since Kashton watched me walk out of my motel room. I haven’t left my house. There’s no need when you can get anything delivered. Thankfully, I haven’t been called into either job. I can go for a couple of weeks without anything to do and then have to be at both the bar and the cathedral in the same night.
Lying in bed, I stare at the TV. Some reality show is playing, but I’m not paying any attention.
